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Is there an Startup Lakshmi Temple somewhere?
When a child is born into the planet, he doesn’t know much, or rather at all about what the world is like. What is good and what is bad. What he’s supposed to be doing ,and what he’s supposed to be not doing. If you refuse to believe the astrological theory of zodiacs, time and place of birth shaping one’s personality, all of the behavior and personality are learned from the time the child is born. The human mind and heart of course carries forward the learnings from the evolutionary process, which means some instinctive knowledge that the humans acquired some centuries ago, would perhaps still be stored in my genes. I wonder, if this way of transmission of knowledge extends beyond the survival skills and other biology related processes.
Do we learn who to trust and whom not to trust from our genes? The thing about positive and negative vibes? The thing about aspiration turning into greed? Is a child born with all that knowledge?
Perhaps not. Most of it, is imbibed by what he sees in the surrounding. And who impacts his learning the most? The heroes, the ones who’ re regarded highly by the society. No one would care about the private realities of these heroes, but they’re idolized. This small child, naturally, not briefed about the deceptive nature of the world, where sinners masquerade as saints, takes his confused lessons from all these sources and then begins the race - a constant quest of becoming what’s heralded by the society as the best. If the surrounding world respects money, then that is the object of pursuit and likewise many other things.
By the very nature and process of learning, humans seem to be becoming the followers of the social mentality. Nothing inherently wrong with it, but when the society is not the best teacher, would we prefer isolating the kid and enable the learning from a select few, that are our idols? Isnt’ that an imposition on the child, to idolize what we believe is the best? What happens of his own choice? Should a more wholesome approach be to expose him to different walks of life, and let him learn and mature with that, giving him a true picture of the different virtues and vices as they are, without any judgmental statements. When he matures, he must decide for himself as to what he wants.
What we sometimes do, is try and keep the child in a cocoon, perhaps an incubator of sorts, when he’s shielded from the bad things in the world. Essentially, for a small period, it’s necessary but if it goes on for too long, it’ll mess up the child’s life.
Perhaps the story of the kind man extracting the pupa out of its shell is relevant here. If too much of help is given in the initial phases of growth, you might just hinder future growth by making it dependent on you.wanderer
Perfection, is that a journey or a destination? What is the quest all about? Does it make any difference if it’s internal or externally motivated? Am I to be perfect in my own right, in a personal quest or is it that I want to showcase something to the world, or do something in the exemplary perfect fashion to make a statement. What’s the cause and what’s the effect. Accolades motivate perfection or is it perfection that is entailed by accolades anyway? There’s always an inspiration, but that can’t just be material benefits. Is that recognition? Perhaps not. Maslow answered that with his need hierarchy model, that the ultimate quest in life is not for someone else, but for your own self actualization. You would seek security for your near and dear ones, with food, shelter and clothing. You would like to love and be loved, quench your social needs. There would be a need for esteem too, to be socially recognized. For all of these things, you’d pursue success, not perfection.
In behavioral denominations, success is perhaps more akin to a satisficing behavior, when your benchmarks are external and the effort is to just cross that barrier.
While pursuing perfection, the external benchmarks become irrelevant. Your good life is your own personal goal. It’s your object to make this journey called life an evolutionary one. It’s not a destination that you’ll reach one day and say, it’s perfect. More likely, you’ll live a life and at the end of it, turn back to say that, yeah, it’s been perfect. Most people won’t have that feeling of having lived a rather complete and perfect life. How close you can move to it, is going to determine how content you are when you’re saying goodbye to earthly life.wanderer
To attach a lot of importance to winning and losing, sometimes takes the fun away from the match. But some other times, some games aren’t fun enough if it’s not about winning and losing. Gambling is one of them. If you play just for the fun of it, with fake currency, it’s no point because no one will really play seriously. The stakes must be high for the game to be taken seriously. In life’s games, whether love or business, the stakes are what make it interesting. That’s when you gamble, that’s when you decide to take risks that you wouldn’t otherwise. But then, if the fear of failure overwhelms you, you’re likely to play safe and not a big gamble. And of course, as drilled in by the finance professors, a higher risk is the only way of seeking higher returns.
So how do you now reconcile the thoughts when they say about not bothering so much about the outcome or the result and enjoying the journey or the game anyway? A Miss World once remarked, that you got to be prepared to lose if you really want to win. Now how does one ensure the poise and the killer instinct which seems to come out of desperation, when one is convinced that failure is not an option. Guess Rudyard Kipling would have a convergent answer to the puzzle, when he spoke of the true man being capable of staking all his life’s earnings on a game of toss, and having the courage to start all over again after he loses.
It’s not the individual little battles that you keep fighting that matter. You should gamble, put in your heart and soul into the effort, with or without the fear of failure, but if you do fail, then the world hasn’t ended yet. There is the war waiting to happen.wanderer
Behavioral sciences often throw interesting insights to human behavior. While one person might be too shy to say the first hello, the other person would perceive him as a snob and make an impression of him, without having said the first hello. Attempts at networking at a dinner go a lot haywire when there’s too many students chasing too few speakers. Typically, you’ll be surrounded by random other people, constantly attempting to hijack the conversation, sometimes, just for the sake of making a conversation and in the process of courteously sticking around, you end up looking like the one climbing up the speaker’s nose. Now how do you make a sensible conversation in the middle of the thing, without being perceived as a nosy bloke, is your challenge.
Is there courtesy to it, or humility or should you showcase your aggression without being offending. What if it becomes impossible to not offend? What if someone just gets on your nerves altogether?
Take it easy, get out of the situation and get in again. The speaker shall also know who’s the sensible one around.wanderer
The Bhagwat Geeta is in my opinion one of the (if not the) most misinterpreted texts, which for convenience sake, most people just happily believe to be true and use it as an excuse to not heed the messages of the great text. The action and result doctrine has been very easily interpreted to mean that man should focus on the work and not bother about the outcomes, given that he can control only his actions but not his results. Now, this has been extrapolated and interpreted to mean that one should not desire any fruits out of his action. Now, it would be utopian to believe that one would go on working without the desire of a fruit or a positive outcome. A simpler interpretation that was made in the class was about focusing on what you can control, rather than wasting your energy bothering about things that you can’t control.
As it is, the result of any action is a combination of the direct consequence plus some random noise, which we usually like to call luck. What can be ascribed to the action and what is luck, is a questionable proposition. A lot of people would place high trust in Allah, but not even tether their camels. And then when things go wrong, they have only ‘luck’ to blame. Some others, would try and control everything, and be shattered if things still don’t go their way. Random noise shall have a role to play, like it or not. How much you let it affect you and your action, is your smartness.
Thus came the prayer that O Lord, give me the power to change the things I can change, and accept the ones that I can’t. This is, in no way a surrendering statement. It is an exercise in practicality. No point obsessing about things that are pretty much out of your control and letting them chew your brain. A simple case in point was elaborated by a senior marketer in a classroom, in a different context. This company was running a huge ad campaign, supposed to be the mega launch of a product, with loads of advertising bucks being spent on a single day on mass media, in a particular geography. The d-day came, the campaign run, but due to some random accident somewhere, a large part of that geography was under a power cut, blowing up all the money for nothing.
One has to take such things in his stride and move on too! If you’d attach a lot of your personal expectations and start spending energy on those kind of calculations, you’ll end up becoming less effective with your work anyway. A business consultant would perhaps tell a CEO, to decide all the variables that affect his business. Next, he needs to classify which variables can be brought under control and which can’t. Then focus sharply on how much effect he wants to have on all the controllable ones, and for the moment, pretty much forget about the uncontrollable ones. If you’ve done a good job, the result shall take care of itself.
My personal take on the whole thing is slightly modified. I would say, if you’re too obsessed with reaching the destination and constantly lost in the calculation of the same, you’ll not enjoy the journey. And for me, the journey is as important as the destination.wanderer
Resist the temptation to justify or explain yourself. Simplistic reasoning- friends don’t need it and enemies won’t believe you anyway. Another way of understanding it, is something like a rationalization process, when you’re not convinced about your right-ness in a particular action situation and later on, you’re trying to convince someone as you justify or explain yourself. It’s an extremely strong temptation, but if you can let go of it, perhaps it would help you take greater control of your actions. You’re not someone’s agent, so you have to go back to explain it to them. You’re not doing something just so that you can explain something to someone in a particular way. You’re doing, what your sensibility suggests is the best thing for you to do. If you’ve been myopic and bungled, then it’s for you to learn the lessons and accept your mistakes. Often, if you’re able to successfully/convincingly explain a bungled up action, you might just save your face but lose the lesson. With a lot of afterthoughts, we build up the situation so that we can reasonably well defend ourselves, but internally we know that it was a mistake.
Of course, impression management would require proving yourself to be the ‘smart’ one in every situation, but it’s for you to still see and understand that you don’t end up rationalizing just about everything you do or say. At best, it’s a defense mechanism.
One line of thought as an excuse to indulge oneself materially is that of escapism. In an attempt to run away from a whole lot of messy thoughts, a haunting past or an intimidating future, you try to indulge yourself and become oblivious to all that might be slightly uncomfortable. Partying and rocking the dance floor, drinking away to glory, binging on food, catching on with the movies, amusement parks and everything that would leave you too tired to stare at the fan and think, when you’re getting into bed. Or you might just take someone there for a night’s company and wake up in the morning to again busy your self in the web of life.
People tend to have a negative disposition towards partying too hard too often and all of this indulgence is interpreted as vices in some way. Why don’t we see that they’re only means to an end and not really the end in itself. And well, why hate the means, when there’s not so much wrong with the end itself. Would someone make an unqualified remark that all escapism is bad? Sometimes, life gives you jerks so hard that you need momentary escapes in order to absorb the shock well.
What about psychotherapy and counseling to victims of natural and man made disasters and accidents? Isn’t hypnosis sometimes used as a justified scientific way to help someone get over something that would be extremely difficult for him to come to terms with. What is that if not temporary escapism?
It’s a courageous thing to say that one should face reality as it is, not as it was or as he wished it were. The complexities of life sometimes forces you to believe counter to reality, perhaps humor yourself or just plain distract yourself. Escapism may not be a weakness, it could be used very well as a strength in some cases.
I don’t want to sleep tonight looking at the fan and thinking about all those many things. Is it a bad idea that I go to the gym, jog around some, play some sport, lift some weights and come back so freaking worn out that I would crash as soon as I hit the sack. So if this is acceptable, what’s so wrong with someone who parties hard every night, gets high and drunk, only for the objective that he sleeps easily. Some others would take sleeping pills with the same objective.The judgment of what’s avoidable only comes in, when you let these escapes strengthen you as a person over a period and not let them overpower you. It’s you, using them and not becoming a slave to them.
In the middle of some mesmerizing moments, you feel blissful and just don’t want to get out of that mode. Living one moment to the full, the experience just makes you want to stick to that moment forever. But then, time, as they say keeps moving. And the show, must go on. So, well, you live in a detached involvement, not attaching an expectation for the next moment while you’re living this one. No thinking about the future lest it might take away something from the beautiful present. But it is always possible to live in this royal abandon of the future? Humans are inherently emotional people, and with an essential capability to ‘feel’, we feel in all sort of ways, be it positive to the extreme or being negative on the other extreme. But then, perhaps this roller coaster of highs and lows is what makes life meaningful. This is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Shall decide about my need to stability when it becomes apparent and starts pinching me, or when the heart sinks too much on the roller coaster, and refuses to take any more of those highs and lows.
I mean, yeah, for some times, I don’t mind riding a usual train, whizzing by through life, looking at the green fields and the dry lands, constantly moving at the same pace, unaffected. But for a person like me, it would get boring rather soon. Haven’t had enough of roller coasters yet I guess. But then, you take a train to somewhere, not a roller coaster. You can’t possibly survive being on one of them for a long time. We necessarily need stability.
How much ever balance one might seek to achieve, there are some elements of uncertainty which do fill you with some kind of anxiety in anticipation. More than an exam that you’d really prepared hard for, you’d be anxious about the result of exam where you didn’t prepare too hard but just hoped to get lucky. And a different kind of anxiety when you’re meeting someone who had been really special in your young times, many years ago. How would they be, how would they like you, how would they treat you and a whole lot of unnamed questions cloud your mind. There is no immediate answer. Eventually, the excitement gets the better of anxiety and well, you’re just plain happy to be seeing them again. Botherations, in conclusion seem immaterial. And you get back to the whole philosophy of living in the moment and making the most of it.wanderer
When you’d talk of love, we have been drawing distinction between real love and some sort of infatuation/attraction. They say real love begins when nothing is expected in return. Our theory fits it into the context:
Love can either be a binding force, when it’s driven by the deficit drive, of the lower self. Or instead, it could very well be a liberating force when it’s driven by inner affluence.
A question of ‘what do you really value?’ could become all the more interesting a question when posed to oneself. Amidst multiple answers voiced by classmates, I was trying to converse with myself, trying to figure out what my answer really was. Normally describing myself as given to indulgences, under the garb of enjoying the one life that I have, I was looking for something that would give me lasting satisfaction and happiness. The pursuit of temptations, is nothing but a fad and with time, it would pass. What I do really value is a combination of a few things :
Everyone has the right to be happy. They could very well break out of the shackles posed by the surrounding circumstances to redeem their own lives for themselves and no one should make a value judgment about how someone chooses to live their life.
At the same time, one should be brutally honest with oneself. Sometimes it’s difficult to do that, and in those cases, one should perhaps entrust the mirror to someone else, who would show the picture as it is, without coloring with opinion and judgments. Delusions and pretense might serve for a while but deluding oneself is worthy of being called a sin, not just foolishness.
There are so many lenses to view oneself through. Each seems fascinating and each throws a new light upon myself and helps me understand in a different way. It’s fun, if nothing else. Once again, each of us holds within himself a ‘Lower Self’ and a ‘Higher Self’. Don’t immediately start associating the low and high with moral/value judgments.
The lower self is more like the functional or apparent one, which, in behavior is manifested as pettiness, meanness, unwillingness to share. Small. It’s driven by a sense of deficit, and a constant need to seek more of everything.
The Higher self, is the real or intrinsic self, surplus inspired and based on inner affluence. It reflects in behavior as dignity, nobility and magnanimity.The dominance of one of the two selves is reflected in the elegance or grace with which one handles his life. Smitten by the dynamics of the world around and overwhelmed to no end, we often confine ourselves within the ambit of the lower self, considering it to be a natural human tendency. Take a few moments to look within and something starkly different, perhaps much more beautiful will come out – the higher self. Nourish it and it would in turn nourish your body, mind and soul.
Every human is supposed to be composed of Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas.
Sattwa (christened Illumination) is composed of compassion, patience, poise, serenity, forgiveness, transparency, simplicity, purity, selflessness, humility, gratitude etc.
Rajas (Dynamism) would encompass anger, fluctuating moods, vindictiveness, arrogance, pride, vanity, greed, jealousy, envy, conceit etc.
Tamas (Intertia or darkness) is about confusion, delusion, procrastination, laziness, indolence, lethargy.
Now, I’d say if it were to be put in a linear function
Me = A(s) + B(r) + C(t)
What varies across time and space is the value of the coefficients of each of these components. ‘Me’ is a dependent variable, on the values of the s,r,t and the varying coefficients in the functions. It’s not difficult to understand the variation across people and the evolution of the same person over time. However, it is also claimed that elements of all three characteristics must be present, for a healthy living. Think you could really do without all the lethargy and procrastination? Maybe not. It might lead you into insomnia!
About the Rajas which seems to be a whole lot of supposedly negative emotions, there is a further classification – you could be the illumined dynamite (sattwa guiding rajas) or the blind rajas which would be a mad race to nowhere. Rajas, without the headlight given by sattwa, can’t look at the big picture by it’s very nature and is liable to cause damage by speed of action.
Where do I see myself? For me, perhaps the equation is rather balanced. I can’t claim to have a dominant ‘illumination’ given my lazy habits in general. And I needn’t elaborate about the attitude anyway. Moving towards idealism, I think I could do with a bit less of lethargy and the sattwa taking a slight bit more control of the dynamism to illuminate it and light the bulb of sense in my head!
Managing oneself in myriad situations could give him a lot of insights into his own biases, colored thought processes and prejudices. It could throw interesting light on your own evolution in terms of the different life experiences having impacted your personality. If we go by the Freudian way of thinking, there’s so much that happens in our childhood and has a strong impact in the way we come to be, as a person. To some extent, that could help us understand and explain our behavior in light of the past experiences, but sometimes it seems we’re using the past as an excuse to justify some undue liberties that we give to ourselves. The past describes an individual, but it cannot and should not be allowed to confine him. One can break away from the shackles of the past if he really desires thus.
I’m not a slave of my past.wanderer
Mismatches of expectations in relationships have caused a lot of grief to just about everyone. Much as you try for the highest levels of communication, gaps as big as valleys come by now and then and cause a few miserable moments. Perhaps that’s where the virtues of keeping your calm and balance become all the more important so you don’t, in a fit of rage or the heat of the moment end up saying or doing something that’s not the most pleasant and with it, ruin someone’s night and your own morning. It doesn’t feel the best to have hurt someone.
To live it to perfection and without regrets, you HAVE to achieve a lot of balance in a lot of things- most importantly personal life and professional life.
There’s a funny paradox, or so it seems between the ideas of living your ‘one life’ and the proposed austerity and detachment from the indulgences. To try and see a convergence, I’d say all those qualities spoken of, by the Geeta are actually steps that would make your ‘one life’ more meaningful and enjoyable. According to me, Geeta is misinterpreted and misused to say that ‘karma kiye jaa, fal ki iccha mat kar’. To look for consequences is not the issue, but being obsessed with the results to the extent of going up and down with it is the problem.
And then, someone would say that to begin with, have faith and give it your best, the result shall take care of itself. So is it in contradiction in the result-orientation or focus on results? I’m not sure. I would however say that in your obsession with reaching the destination, if you end up losing the pleasure of the journey, it’s nothing but a waste. Obsession with the result might again cause some myopic decisions, which you would end up regretting later, or maybe not. Perhaps you’ll just go on, achieving a milestone after another, winning a battle after another. Lets hope you don’t lose sight of the beautiful woods that you pass by while you’re counting the milestones.
To write a diary everyday as a reflective note sounds intimidating for a start. You start writing, without a clue as to what you want to talk about. But with time, you get ideas and the thoughts run wildly far and wide for you to be able to build on them. To look inwards and understand your own value systems and ethics could be an interesting thing to do. More so, perhaps it would be useful to see my own evolution as we go along in this course on human values. To me, anything that doesn’t in present or future cause a pang of guilt or a prick in my conscience is ethical. Ethics are individual, parts of a personality, so this is a general statement that would apply to each individual that believes that way. The problem is that people often make social norms and unwritten codes of conduct and the defiance to any of these, how much ever non sensible they are, becomes a difficult step to take.
A course in ’Managerial Effectiveness and Human Values’ requires us to write a diary everyday for the next few weeks. Some sort of reflective note on what’s going through my head and how I’m perceiving the world around, with a view of human values. Yesterday was spent in writing the tale of a messy episode that might land me an F grade in my summer internship, thanks to a professor’s obstinacy. Keeping the story part out of it, human values would seem essential in a civil society. The question arises when you are dealing with uncivil people. How long can you go on being stuck to your principles and allow them to be your shortcoming in the battle field when they go all out to cause you trouble. To the extent that it doesn’t inflict damage upon you, perhaps you could let them indulge in all the foolery. But then, to defend yourself, to protect your honor, if you have to tweak a thing or two here and there, there’s no harm done, as long as the tweaking doesn’t become a part of your nature and you don’t start using it all the time.
The concepts given by Krishna or Chanakya’s philosophy of Saam, Daam, Dand and Bhed seems to have a slight clash with contemporary conventional morality. I don’t feel inclined to go the Gandhian way much, perhaps because it’s the tougher way. But then it might just be worth a shot. It would be useful to have a Gandhian Munnabhai around, who could tell what would be the Gandhian solution to the situation at any time.wanderer
Immediate impulsive response from any modernized Gen Y youth would be sheer revulsion. We instantly revoke our fundamental right to freedom of expression, to do and behave as we please. We remind that we are mature adults and we know what's good and what's bad for us. And the self appointed burghers of social morality have no business telling us what to do and what not to do in our public and private life. Ours is a generation that was born free, having internalized our rights to freedom of all possible kinds and there’s no chance we would accept any attempts at curbing these rights.
Much of the blame for having brought the bad name and a rather negative connotation to moral influencing - to the extent of calling it a disciplinarian act of moral policing- lies with the fanatic defenders of the social morals who do not think twice before transcending all limits of decency in their own ways of protesting. Given that they have the right to freedom of expression too, they are very well allowed to voice their concerns with whatever they call as indecent. But well, let have them do it within the ambit of law and social courtesy. Becoming violent in their protests, they only display their own helplessness in saving a virtuous culture and their desperation to gain control with a whip on a free generation. They leave us with no option but to dismiss them as power mongers who’re just seeking a way to establish their identity.
Moral policing of public behavior or commercialization of feelings is not so much about the offended sensibilities than it is about some other kind of grievance at the heart of the moral cops. They can’t stand the overwhelming and allegedly negative influence of the western lifestyle and culture on our youth. This would include the MTV and Coca Cola culture and at a more general level, the consumerism and hedonism that are becoming ingrained in our traditionally austere and satvik culture. However, they forget to draw the distinction between the evolution of a fast moving society and blind copying of western life. As the global media converges, and the access to information from cultures and lifestyles across the world spreads, we have to be open to cross cultural influence that would flow both ways.
There’ll be people in America practicing Yoga and there’ll be people in India kissing on the streets. This is a cultural amalgamation process which is a natural component to the evolution of the human civilization itself. To try and put artificial barriers in this process of evolution is nothing but a folly. Another aspect of it is also the convergence of the world as a marketplace. If Archies wants to sell Valentines’ day greetings in India, and people want to buy it, what’s the problem? Indians have traditionally not objectified feelings and emotions with material gifts but if it makes someone feel good, there's no reason why someone should object. Or are they finding it difficult to digest that a foreign company is making money out of selling emotions to us? Why don’t these cops try and popularize Karwa Chouth in America. I’m sure it would sell.
A culture has its inherent strengths which sustain it in course of evolution. It’s the voice of the masses, which has consciously or unconsciously transferred it generation by generation and there is no need to be so insecure about Indian culture and tradition suffering a blow due to the juggernauts of western imperial culture. If the culture can’t stand it’s ground in its own right, it will become extinct anyway and it doesn’t need to be protected. The roots of our culture are sufficiently strong for it to take care of itself.
Another recent dimension to moral policing came about with the havoc wreck by the moral cops at an art exhibition, where a student artist, in his own dreamy eyed works had in some ways transcended limits of decency. Now obviously, going all over to destroy the place and manhandle the artist is no way of registering a protest. However, careful handling of such situations would need judgment on the part of neutral parties as to what is reasonable and what’s not. Going too far with the right to freedom of expression, might actually end up offending even some neutral sensibilities and invite trouble. A nude depiction of Bharat Mata, which by all social mores is a motherhood figure is something that ruffled more feathers than just the moral brigade.
As a civil society, we do allow our parents to guide their children when they see us going wrong somewhere and that’s the role these sainiks seem to be usurping. And well, despite the claims about being adults and knowing what's good for oneself, it's only us who have indulged in drug addiction, drunken driving, promiscuous lives that have left behind hurts and emotional baggage. On a broader level, a moralizing influence of culture could've been a welcome one, but the independence freaks that we are, any impositions and restrictions on what we want to do, is not going to be taken lightly.
It does remain to note however, that it is for us, the young people to decide whether we apply our sensibility while adopting certain western ways of dressing, behavior, music and other things. We are to be responsible for our own behavior so we don’t give a chance to the moral brigades to raise fingers at us, accusing us of irresponsible actions.
So while I would not paint nudes of Indian Godesses, be intentionally blasphemous and disrespect the sentiments of the public, If I have to give someone a rose on valentines’ day, if I have to kiss someone good night when dropping home, I will fight tooth and nail for my right to freedom.
My status : 'Feels weird to know that you don't know what you're feeling'
Wanderer : happy friendship day!
A Pragmatist : hey thanks! Same to u! Nice status
Wanderer : :)
Was writing my diary wrote this line instinctively and then looked back and saw it's actually nice :)
A Pragmatist : :) this sounds more like u!
Wanderer : :P totally me, unadulterated
A Pragmatist : yup grt! its kind of related to what I was thinking...in the sense...b4 I used to think I can easily predict how I would behave or react in a situation, lately I realize I don’t really know myself that well...n I have been waiting for reactions u know when something happens or whatever only to realize I don’t really react the way it is stereotyped, or even expected
Wanderer : :) I don't know... never gone by stereotypes
A Pragmatist : n I don’t really have a prob with that only exploring this dimension
Wanderer : m too much of an independence freak that way
A Pragmatist : :) great. I’m kind of the conformist but I don’t know.. its fine sticking to rules when they make sense, when its nonsense then its another thing, when the person who made them also has no clue its even worse, u get the diff? It’s not pointless only from your point of view nobody understands anything, so no point sticking to their stupidity u can as well rely on yours
Wanderer : ok, that was a tangent but yeah, I agree it's like the person who actually thought up this rule was as rational and sensible as I am right now so well. I can make a choice whether or not to follow this rule. I mean.. If it doesn’t make sense to me, I’m free to live by my own rules !
A Pragmatist : exactly that’s case 1 but what happens is bcoz of the way things r changing the person who is supposed to make the rules is also not sure what is 'right' or best if u prefer, so his/her decision is based on as much limited info as mine
Wanderer : so well, let me die of my own decisions, than someone else's. It's like.. My obsession of not sitting behind someone on a bike- if I am to die I’ll die with my own mistake
A Pragmatist : :) I would have used a diff example but BINGO. Its more like the only reason I would live by someone else's rules or whatever is if it guarantees me the destination I wanna go to, if not, I can as well live it the way I think best and hope to have as good or bad a chance of reaching where I want to
Wanderer : yeps
So well. The destiny is ultimately in your own hands and the lie... is indeed the worlds' biggest lie!
A Pragmatist : :) well the comfort of being able to blame someone else for all that goes wrong in your life is not worth screwing it all up taking some responsibility goes a long way, make your decisions, make your mistakes, face the music, live your life, don’t live life proxy!
Wanderer : but then.. We’re too happy to play 'if it weren't for you'
In so many of our life's situations
Sometimes blaming parents, sometimes other people around us, sometimes the boy/girl friend
A Pragmatist : exactly
Wanderer : just refusing to take control as if you’re just helpless- guided by an external controlling force.. Pinch yourself, wake up and smell the coffee or perhaps the roses
A Pragmatist : yup! whatever.. just feels alive
Wanderer : and in control
I wonder.. If the so called control freaks actually mean this kinda control...
A Pragmatist : ya I know what u mean..We all have a responsibility to our bit, and it does make a diff
Wanderer : so what do we do with people, who constantly say that they don't know what's going on and they can't help it?
A Pragmatist : hmm friendly advice is one thing otherwise this works best with altering our behavior action as well as reaction
Wanderer : ?
What if advice doesn't work? They listen but eventually come back to the same drama
A Pragmatist : u know the more consciously u live your life n make your choices, the greater responsibility u take for them and have the guts to face the consequences
Wanderer : or perhaps you go on living in denial, refusing to live any moment completely
You end up doing things half heartedly, you behave in ways you can't explain
A Pragmatist : I guess we all go through phases, and some take more time. After all our lives do follow different trajectories rite, n then again ppl r plain different
Wanderer : what if you see me messing up my life, just because I’m being indecisive and refusing to take control and then complaining about things not going right..
A Pragmatist : I would try to show u the root cause of the problem, if u r already aware of it and yet unable to rectify it, I’ll give u time but will also tell u to realize it is all in your hands...n would like to check if there is something u r unable to express which I may help u sort out
But u know there are levels to all relationships and there is only so far u can go
Wanderer : you've tried all you can but I still go back to ground zero when would you give up?
A Pragmatist : exasperating much as I would wish to shake u up and knock some sense into u, i'll refrain from doing so because we all have to arrive at our answers on our own, we can’t be forced to arrive at them. I would also hope to god by the time u reach there on your own it is not too late
Wanderer : time's slipping by and I might be drowning deeper into issues reacting in the moment and perhaps opening further cans of worms
A Pragmatist : yup that’s the biggest issue 'waqt ki qaid mein zindagi hai' those who learn to swim with it succeed those who don’t I don’t know in addition to everything have a lot of regrets
Wanderer : what's wrong with learning your lessons the hard way?
A Pragmatist : nothing as long as there is more to the lessons than advice for the next generation if u know what I mean thru my own experience I realize how crucial time and timing are in life, zindagi ke safar mein guzar jate hain jo makam voh phir nahi aate
Wanderer : Life’s chapters can't be erased, much as you like- you can't turn back time
A Pragmatist : exactly, it’s like your CAT paper in four hrs anyone can solve it, what matters is finishing it in 2
A Pragmatist : that’s the next step but life mein at 30 u may know exactly what u shud have done at 25 but what's the point?
Wanderer : :)
Interesting, so what do you do when you realize at 25.5 what you should've done at 25 and well.. What if you never realize..
A Pragmatist : u c if what u think u shud have done u know if on that line u can alter something now...if not write it down in the advice column :) but not many listen to advice
Wanderer : coz you go on wallowing in self pity
A Pragmatist : n what wud have been rite for u may not b for the next person that last bit is most depressing coz u waste away more of your life than was wasted by your original mistake or say whatever was the coz of self pity
Wanderer : what if you the choose to exile yourself
A Pragmatist : self pity is the biggest mistake and leads to the gravest crime self torture and a wasted life
Wanderer : but how do you get out of it, when your perception only reinforces your beliefs
A Pragmatist : SNAP OUT OF IT, when u know your perception reinforces your beliefs think positive be positive and act positive
Wanderer : you think that's easy?
A Pragmatist : who said life was easy, but u go down one road u'll reach only where it takes u n the road of self pity taketh one not to success or fulfillment
Wanderer : so how do you change the road?
A Pragmatist : consciously, choose where u want to go first then take the road that takes u there..Can be thru process of elimination or direct choice
Wanderer : too objective, for someone to follow when they're not in the best state of mind
A Pragmatist : see theory needs to be applied subjectively by each of us but the principle doesn’t change. This is the core of it much as one may find it difficult
Wanderer : so assertiveness is the key.. Ok so in your last whim of assertiveness you started on a route but you realized half way through that you can't do this; then what?
A Pragmatist : see if u realize half way thru that u r wrong then u need to have the humility to make amends if u know u r rite but the road is very difficult then u hold on and ask for the strength to go on, u find it if u want it bad enough
Wanderer : you talk like motivation gurus, it’s easier said than done, you can't just suddenly step back form your life and redo the jigsaw. There are ties that would need to be broken, there are knots that would need to be untied and well.. There are broken ties which you can not join again
A Pragmatist : see..There are some things that can’t be undone..n some places there is no going back then u only try to save what u can of what remains...u cant erase what happened n rewrite it
Wanderer : happens, and well it all started with a confused status message
A Pragmatist : lol but at our age we r allowed to b confused even expected to b so
Wanderer : and well, you’re being quite a pragmatist, and well nothing wrong with being one
A Pragmatist : takes guts sometimes coz ppl accuse u of being heartless sometimes, which is far from the case
Wanderer : well, the fact that you bother about what ppl label is testimony to the presence of the heart
A Pragmatist : :) see the thing is not what everyone thinks matters but when ppl u love or think u know and know u say something it hurts esp. when u r vulnerable n doing ur best to not let that cloud u
Wanderer : whatever happened to the objectivity, that's the tough part, when people choose not to understand you, even when you make it so obvious
It’s like.. If someone’s sleeping .. You can wake them up, but if someone's pretending to be asleep, you can't wake them up
A Pragmatist : true but sometimes they are a prisoner of their prejudices and judgments or just of their insecurities…that’s what comes in the way
Wanderer : and well, the shell must break before the bird can fly
A Pragmatist : yes and u know the story of the uncle who tried 'helping' by breaking it for the bird...actually butterfly but ya same pt
Wanderer : oh yeah, I do so well, sometimes it’s just good to let things be
Let people learn their lessons.. The hard way, because that's the only way they'll grow up
To their full potential but well it hurts sometimes.. Watching them go thru the mess..
A Pragmatist : true..It’s dicey...u can’t let them kill themselves but ya u can’t live it for them either..ya..
Wanderer : and well. where do you draw the line? as to when is it appropriate to intervene
A Pragmatist : I guess that’s where our judgment comes in..of how far is too far
Wanderer : and how early is too early.. that's where the most mistakes come in
and the most regrets too..