Friday, October 07, 2005

Grappling with Existential angst.. you're not alone!

This one is with someone who’s company moved her to NY recently..She looked like she'd love to hang around with people there.. however.. even this person.. who’s lately graduating from thinking about career to thinking about the life at large.. seems to be suffering from our own very usual phenomenon!

A provocative status message initiated me into it.. and soon enough.. we were into what neither had originally intended to talk about!

Wanderer: so.. how's it going with NY.. and with the New Yorkers..
Wanderer: I to still hang around with the same old bunch.. the lesser mortals
A Thinker : hehe
A Thinker : not lesser mortals
A Thinker : u guys are better off
A Thinker : am feeling very i dunno…
A Thinker : blue

Wanderer: ok..what's happened all of a sudden?
Wanderer: missing your mom ?
A Thinker : i speak to her every other day.
Wanderer: then..??
Wanderer: missing old friends from here?
A Thinker : not quite yaar.. Shreya and Madhur are here with me anyway..
Wanderer: then what's the issue??
A Thinker : just u know lots of friendly ppl around but still alone syndrome
Wanderer: does that have to do with being in a foreign land?
A Thinker : I don't think so!

Wanderer: then what's it?
Wanderer: looking for a boyfriend?
A Thinker : hehe
A Thinker : no not really
A Thinker : more like soul mate
Wanderer: well..
Wanderer: that's more or less the same.. isn't it?
A Thinker : nah
A Thinker : i dont believe in boyfriend stuff
Wanderer: well..
A Thinker : too kiddish very hollow
Wanderer: what do you believe in then?
A Thinker : its i just dont approve of a concept of boyfriend girlfriend
A Thinker : as in at least the words sound ridiculous
A Thinker : why can’t ppl term it as mates or buddies or good friends
Wanderer: that pretty much depends on how you define each of these
Wanderer: ppl have the right to have their own definitions
Wanderer: so do you
Wanderer: so why don't you tell me your definitions??
A Thinker : sorry but guess am not in the best of moods am in a very philosophical mood
A Thinker : and why do u have to name a relation
A Thinker : why cant everyone just appreciate the essence
A Thinker : i dont mind haveing nameless relations

Wanderer: you're turning me on
Wanderer: on the mental side i mean..
A Thinker : Thanks for clarifying that !
A Thinker : someone who is there with you to share your life as it happens as in for whatever time they are they they share it

A Thinker : see these small things make so much of a differnece and generally if you're fixed in your daily routine you wud miss it in real life

A Thinker : its like we are all running and running getting caught in a vicious circle and really heading nowhere

Wanderer: well.. I lie in the center of the universe.. so no running around for me!
Wanderer: I like to think that way!
A Thinker : :-)

Wanderer: i wonder.. you claim to be into philosophy.. and you still feel lonely!
A Thinker : see not lonely in that sense
Wanderer: my alter ego gives good company that ways
A Thinker : lonely in the sense i have no one to share this with
Wanderer: share what?
A Thinker : even now i have to be verbose and tell it to you
A Thinker : wanna be in a state where even that is not required
A Thinker : just be at peace
Wanderer: so.. what's the search for?
Wanderer: someone who'd make it like that
Wanderer: or you wanna be at the end of this existential angst?

A Thinker : share my thought of being lonely
Wanderer: don't worry.. it's not all that uncommon!
Wanderer: just about everyone has it..

Wanderer: you seem to be looking for something/someone..
Wanderer: waiting for something to happen
Wanderer: or someone to enter your life..
Wanderer: and you feel.. he/she would take away these lonely moments from you..
A Thinker : as in
A Thinker : latter i guess
Wanderer: which is true.. in relationships
Wanderer: you get to think of loneliness when you're alone
A Thinker : no
A Thinker : i ain’t finding myself
A Thinker : am getting a little overwhelmed by the possibility that my I doesn’t know my me

A Thinker : i dont want a relationship
Wanderer: and when you're seriously into someone.. you can't be alone.. coz they're always with you!
Wanderer: in thoughts at least!
A Thinker : just wanna know myself
A Thinker : hmm
A Thinker : dunno
A Thinker : guess just a phase will pass
A Thinker : am seriously thinking of quitting my job
A Thinker : it aint giving me any mental kick any longer

Wanderer: go to kailash parbat
Wanderer: meditate..
Wanderer: introspect
Wanderer: find out what your really want
Wanderer: seek your truth
Wanderer: find what motivates you..
Wanderer: energizes you..
Wanderer: and drives your desire!
Wanderer: figure out what's gonna quench the thirst within
A Thinker : hmm go to kailash parbat, not a bad idea! :-))

A Thinker : but i need to find my fountain guess have been putting it off for too long now.
Wanderer: ?
A Thinker : guess will continue my thought process
A Thinker : but don’t know when I’d be able to take some action..
A Thinker : i don’t think i can carry on this way for too long..
Wanderer: hmm..
Wanderer: join me in writing a book..
Wanderer: on the existential angst facing the current generation..
Wanderer: about the thousand desires..
A Thinker : hmm wat do u wanna write about hazaroan kwah
Wanderer: about the eternal confusion
A Thinker : ok cant type the spelling but u get what i mean

Wanderer: I’d told you of that healthcare thing for everyone..
Wanderer: that's one desire
Wanderer: I have a million others like that
Wanderer: which ones to pursue?
Wanderer: which ones to abandon?
Wanderer: where do i see myself ten years from now?
Wanderer: how would I end up?
Wanderer: what are my dreams?
Wanderer: would the pressures force me to abandon them?
A Thinker : hmm
A Thinker : same here
Wanderer: will expectations take a toll on my life?
Wanderer: what relationships are in store for me?
Wanderer: ............................. a series of endless questions.
Wanderer: All this is what I define as existential angst
Wanderer: and you don't have to feel lonely as a sufferer of this
Wanderer: ..
A Thinker : hmm
A Thinker : sounds familiar territory

Wanderer: virtually.. every second individual..
Wanderer: at this stage of his life..
Wanderer: is grappling with the fear that he might die waiting for something to happen..
Wanderer: the something that would change his life.. and give him a genuine reason to look forward to every new day!

A Thinker : hmm where were you all this time
A Thinker : those are my exact thoughts
Wanderer: I've been in here..trying to understand myself better..
Wanderer:.. and out there.. trying to understand life better!

Wanderer: babes.. you knew all this all the time
Wanderer: just never thought of putting it all in words

Wanderer: so where do we go from here?
Wanderer: now that we've identified the problem.. and also put it in words
A Thinker : guess we need to do some introspection first
Wanderer: I'd be more for experimentation
Wanderer: you know..
Wanderer: after this realization
Wanderer: you can't anymore run away from paying attention to this question
Wanderer: unless you get into intoxications
Wanderer: the seeming meaningless-ness of the whole thing.. and the endless wait..
Wanderer: motivates a lot of people into constant indulgence..
Wanderer: with drugs/drinks/sex.....

A Thinker : as in we know where we want to go
A Thinker : but guess we need to be sure about it first
A Thinker : guess that’s how we learn
A Thinker : we are constantly experimenting and evolving
A Thinker : hmm
A Thinker : tell me
Wanderer: no we are not experimenting
Wanderer: and we're not trying to evolve either!
Wanderer: in fact..
Wanderer: often we'd be too scared to jump at the opportunity life offers us!
Wanderer: or too busy with mundanities to pay attention to it!

Wanderer: ok.. dinner time for me in ten mins
Wanderer: so talk quick
A Thinker : have you tried to indulge yourself yet?
Wanderer: As in?
A Thinker : just kidding,
A Thinker : am never game for it
A Thinker : and besides..I have other ideas on indulgence than yours...
A Thinker : we can do it by going deeper into ourselves
A Thinker : and getting a solution
A Thinker : i read it in some book
A Thinker : the solution is already there
A Thinker : we just need to find it
A Thinker : in my case
A Thinker : i seem to be postponing it indefinitely
A Thinker : okies
A Thinker : nah you go have dinner
A Thinker : no point rushing up

Wanderer: hmm.
Wanderer: try what? indulgence?
Wanderer: if you're talking of the drugs etc....
Wanderer: that's an endless thing.
Wanderer: you can't then come out of it.. coz you'll get too deeply buried in depression
A Thinker : going deeper in ourselves
A Thinker : no
A Thinker : no ways
A Thinker : not drugs baba
A Thinker : wanna keep it clean

A Thinker : i want to get a mental high
A Thinker : some kind of mental orgasm
Wanderer: well..
Wanderer: that can come in two ways
Wanderer: intellectual masturbation.. or intellectual copulation!
Wanderer: you gotta figure out what's the way for you!
A Thinker : need a mate for the latter
Wanderer: did you give anyone a shot?
A Thinker : there are very few or rather rare ppl who do the latter or I haven’t come across many
Wanderer: alright.. in that case, do with the former till you can find one for the latter.
Wanderer: !
A Thinker : i guess
A Thinker : but
Wanderer: ?
Wanderer: so the time comes for a barrage of questions
Wanderer: but hey.. that's when you embark on the journey
Wanderer: before that..
Wanderer: the set of instructions is done i guess.

A Thinker : hmm kinda didnt get u tehre
Wanderer: it's like..
Wanderer: when you're given a task..
Wanderer: and a set of instructions..
Wanderer: you read the instructions..
Wanderer: have few doubts.
Wanderer: which are cleared...
Wanderer: you hardly get any more doubts before you embark upon the journey
Wanderer: but once you do..
Wanderer: you have a barrrage of them!
A Thinker : and while you perform the task
A Thinker : they come in torrents
A Thinker : more like teething problem you have in whatever u reach out to do
Wanderer: ?
Wanderer: ok..
Wanderer: i'll go eat now
Wanderer: catch ya later
A Thinker : thanks sweetheart
A Thinker : u have a nice dinner
A Thinker : c ya later

The conversation ended thus.. and so did the thirst.. went away into dormancy for some time.. to make space in my mind for tables of 14 and 17!


Thursday, October 06, 2005

Just Another day!

I was supposed to finish up the geometry BRM yesterday.. which i conveniently postponed for another day.. and oh so suddenly, i realize that the last fifty pages are answers and solutions.. so i'm pretty much done already!!
such things really make for great pleasant surprises!

Just yesterday, I was in the middle of some chapter.. and had to attend my guide's talk on 'Dumping and its consequences, policies et al..' i'd told him I was most likely to attend.. (you don't refuse your guide straightaway ever.. do you)

Come evening and I'm told that the guys at Teach-me are gonna be a little short of volunteers.. and asked if I could fill in. With geometry filling my mind to the brim.. and the guide's talk on the cards.. i had to decline!

Ten mins later.. I realize that I'm not all that interested in dumping.. and that I'd had too much of geometry for the afternoon.. so I should go out and do some teaching! Here I go.. on another teaching rampage :-)

The task this time is much difficult, though seemingly simpler as I have to teach maths to two 4th and 5th class kids! But then.. the books are in marathi.. and the numericals are all in hindi... so though with some effort, I could make out the numbers.. it became too daunting to figure out what was being asked.. addition? subtraction? greater than less than? WHAT?????

Somehow got to understand what those kids already knew.. then got one of them into writing tables.. as many of them as he knew. The other one.. couldn't stop smiling all the time!! Ok.. what do i teach him?? I don't know what he knows. and he doesn't tell me what he doesn't know so I could teach him.. HELP!!!!

So, I took his notes copy.. found out a hindi poem, made him read it..asking him to get fluent with it.. and practice it.. till he got better..

He only improved a little..but at the same time.. while teaching the tables to the other guy..I ended up speaking tables in marathi!! Interestingly, that kid mugged up tables of 7 and 8 in less than 20 mins altogether..

I wondered if he could help me with learning 14 and 17 tables?

Not too early but not so late either.. I had to go to my usual obsession.. how would they introduce themselves and all that..

So that was 'Amit' and 'Akshay' for you!

On my front, I read the promotional prologue of Chetan Bhagat's new book.. something that's got more to do with the lives of youth at large..

How much I want to write a book myself.. and that dream of finishing it before I graduate.. unlikely it seems.. too many things at hand!

So till I get to write a book.. guess I gotta indulge myself with these blogs themselves!

jaane kya dhoondhta hai yeh mera dil.........

wandering mind.. wandering soul..

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

The Genesis of the CAT success story!

I guess it’s time I start penning down my success story with CAT 2005.
This deserves to be blogged!

Ok.. don’t start jumping in your seat, its 5th October today and there’s a month and a half to go for CAT 2005.

My status of preparation is something I am trying to comprehend.. but after having given twelve Mocks.. my score is 47 with some arbit percentile which hasn’t been put up yet!

Thankfully, I have finally managed to get the reading material in Quant and DI.. so won't feel unprepared in either of these in future! I'm always allowed to screw up still.....

Ppl around me, as always are cracking bigtime.. and I seem to get a little or maybe a lot lost in quant and DI though verbal was an easy 30!

Rohit Singh-61.. Ashvit 63.. Vikranth 75.. Jindal 48…

Should I be depressed?

Should I give up the idea of appearing for CAT??

Well.. not yet! Abhi to zindagi baaki padi hai :-)

Cheers! to the next AIMCAT!


Friday, September 23, 2005

'Food Fighters'

No, I’m not gonna ramble about the poverty and disaster striken people fighting over food.

It’s not about the children in village schools who have to fight for their mid day meals.

It’s not about the ngos fighting for providing food to the incapacitated or the others that are fighting against genetic modification of food items!

and I'm not gonna brood that mess mein khaana fight hai!

I suddenly realize that food has always been a matter of fights!

Somehow, our English teacher missed a preposition which can be placed between fight and food!

I know you can’t guess it. It’s so innovative after all!

Fight ‘with’ food !

How about I splash your face with a katori of dal and you revert back with twice the quantity of Rajma and in the process we intentionally attack some uninitiated bystanders.. who, wallowing in this new found amusement.. escalate it to a full fledged food fight, much as we originally desired!

Doesn’t that sound like great fun? I can already imagine the picture.. loads of rice, rajma, and whatever be the menu, splattered all over the mess and all over people as well.

Done.. tonight at dinner table.

But _______________________

Don’t you remind me of the ‘sanskruti’ that we should respect food and all that!

And the stories of the children dying of hunger in some sick village in UP? It’s all crap!

Come on yaar.. how can you be such a spoilsport?

Ok the first person narrative ends here!

Sould I expect a better response while trying to deter the protagonists of this war from their devious ideas of fun?

Should we enact POTA in the hostel?

In times as these.. is this thought criminal enough?

Should I give the deterrence a thought?

Can I?

I don’t know! I don’t know anything. Am not sure if it’s gonna amuse me. I don’t think I’d like to be an eyewitness either!

Comfortably numb ?

Not yet :-(


Thursday, September 08, 2005

Main Nahin Bhool Sakta.......

sharing someone's thoughts! I seem to be having a dearth of my own these days!

sudhanshu writes

"main nahi bhool sakta un baccho ki baate jo bheek maang
rahe the station par or vo jo balloons bech raha tha, vo bacche jo
trains main apni shirts khol kar safai karte hai, jo polythines
uthate hai, vo kumhar jo ab bina rojgaar ke hai vo masoom lekin
samajhdaar or Layak bacche, vo sookeh aasu liye kumhar, vo ghar ki neev
khodne vale majdoor. soch kar dil ko dukh hota hai ki kyo ye
difference hai ek 9 saal ka ladka jo poore ghar ko sambhal raha hai
or ek 21 saal ka ladka jo ye soch raha hai ki papa paisa nahi denge
to kaam kaise chalega, us ke mobile ka bill kaun bharega, us ki party
ke liye paisa kaha se aayega."


Comfortably Numb??


Friday, September 02, 2005

New age mantras

Was listening to radio after ages..

The RJ announced in between two songs..

'To agar aapne ghar se bhaag ke shaadi ki hai, ya phir chori chhupe shaadi ki hai.. to just give me a call and I will give you a gift hamper'

and they say zamaana mohabbat ka dushman hai!!

Cheers! to Mohabbat and to this zamaana!

Some parents might like to sue this VJ for teaching their all so innocent sons and daughters this perverted New Age Mantra!!



Monday, August 29, 2005

The Baap ka paisa gone further


Much to my suprise.. the response to that attempt at deducting 25 bucks from ppl's mess accounts created more furor than just an aspersion on the notice board!

There was vehement opposition from several section on the process resorted to! Donation is a voluntary process and this is like an imposition!!

Ppl relented.. and now they've put a guy at the mess door, asking everyone to sign their names against the list.. putting down the amount they would like to donate!

I did debate from the side of the collectors saying that the default 25 bucks counted in the complacent don't cares who wouldn't mind giving 25 bucks... but probably won't take hte pain of coming forth and giving it!

anyway.. hopefully they would be able to collect as much!

I signed for 50 bucks!


Sunday, August 28, 2005

Apne ko Cricket khelne ka hai!

I finally made my debut at the 'Teach-Me' programme held by the guys at RSS at IITB.

I could possibly never imagine how difficult it might be to try teaching 'hindi' to a a 12 year old student of 8th class!
As a consolation, I was supposed to go by the text book. What do you teach in language anyway? The questions are more of fact based.. a rather simpler form of our Reading comprehension lessons at CAT classes. I actually laughed at myself.. when I made 'Amit' read the first para, and then turned a few pages to look at the questions. I told him he could answer the first question on the basis of the first para itself!

Then I reminded myself.. the purpose is not just to answer the questions.. but also get the lesson.. and know the personality that 'Maharishi Shahu Maharaj' was. So somehow tried to explain to him the things mentioned in the chapter.. which included the origins of casteism.... the transition from work oriented to birth oriented caste, the sacrosanct distinction etc!

Mind this, all of this in regular day to day hindi!

I knew myself well enough to guess that I won't stick to hindi lessons for too long. I checked his reading skills and pronunciations and tried to chamkaofy that he needs to work on that a lot. Then I got into how he'd introduce himself when he can't even speak four lines clearly.. (Basics of communication skills ) and eventually.. my talk (as i expected it ) drifted to asking him what he wanted do in life! did he feel like studying or he absolutely hated it. Did he think all the elders were nuts to force him to study even when he didn't like it?

An initial shock for me, but in retrospect (after I read -The Week finds Sachin to be the most popular youth icon) it was kinda normal that he wanted to play cricket!

12 years old, 8th class, lives in Phulenagar, has to go everyday to fetch water from Hanuman nagar. And he wants to be a CRICKETER!

I made several attempts at chamkaofying him the importance of securing a source of income first and then thinking about other things.. but i doubt that i made any sense to him.. it was probably a great challenge to get to his level ! I felt stupid at talking about the thousands of aspirants for cricket.. and how only a handful could make it.. how jack and check played a role ( I was honestly feeling guilty while telling this kid.. that industry too in order to be rewarded has to be 'recommended'. ) Where did he expect to get his 'roti' till he made it to the team? Did he know how much the bats and other paraphernalia cost...........................

(Another pang of guilt.. trying to talk a kid out of his dreams)

I failed completely at my self proclaimed capability of putting myself in the other person's shoes and give him the right advice! What can you tell this kid when he says, ' Aaj kal saare cricketer paise ke liye khelte hain, desh ke liye koi nahin khelta.. main desh ke liye khelunga'

Time was probably not enough, and neither was my preparation to handle him.

Lessons time over, play time!

And there I was, dressed in my Provogue cotra trousers and a formal shirt.. jogging in a train with a dozen odd kids and the other RSS guys. One game had me jumping like crazy from one foot to another.. another one made me play a horse!

Picture this!
I have a 10-11 year old.. (at least 40 kgs!) clinging on to my neck.. and with his legs around my waist.. and I'm supposed to run around! I'm the horse amidst a lot of other horses.. and my rider... the Knight is supposed to unmount his counterparts (other kids riding their own 'horses')
The horses and knights that survive till the end win! In other cases... it was the tiny knights that got tired.. but in my case, the horse was close to falling dead! Much to save the honor of my horsey lineage, I stayed on till they called the game off.

After this one, and a few games later.. I was more exhausted physically than I would've been in the whole of past one year!

The watch said I should move! And so said a few bbies and left!

The panting stopped gradually, the heat beat normalized too.. but the mind hadn't stopped wondering yet!

Would I have any new ways to counsel Amit, when I meet him the next time?

What do you tell a twelve year old who wants to be a cricketer?


Saturday, August 27, 2005

Wanna be APJ?? Nah.. he doesn't have a life yaar!

One of my CAT classes.. some lessons in English!

Some fundaes from this teacher of ours..a 30 or so guy.. who seems to be a rather regular smoker and was visibly (intentionally at times ) naughty.. (or i should say kinky)

NO! I wouldn't want to judge him.. as I might be accused of having a prejudice.

One of his friends was a part of the DRDO.. and he started off with telling us about the guys at DRDO! (who incidentally are the leading defence scientists of the country)

APJ... This guy didn't marry.. he doesn't drink.. he doesn't watch movies... all the dinners and parties he went to were full of ppl only like him! No fun!

These people dont' have a life yaar! (This was almost with a gleam in his eyes)

Then he was back to the present, 'So guys, I'm warning you! Write your CAT well.. or you shall have to go to DRDO'

(making it almost seem like it's the cellular jail in the Andamans)

That's a nightmare yaar.. DRDO's way too scary.

I'd rather write the CAT well!


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tere Baap ka Paisa hai kya!

One of these days, after consulting the warden, our endeavoring GSec put up a notice which read something like:

.....A lot of doctors are willing to distribute free medicines in several flood affected regions to prevent the spread of epidemics in these regions........ To make our contribution, we have decided to deduct 25 rupees from the mess bill of each student. If anyone has any objection, he can have his name removed from the list with the Mess manager.


On the same notice, there was a hand written remark.. probably the product of the creativity of our hostel's several masterminds:

'Tere baap ka paisa hai kya'

I questioned myself if I should be amused or feel bad!

Nah.. feeling bad is not appropriate.. I should just laugh it off!


Monday, August 22, 2005

Conservationism? TABOOOO!!

Some ppl around me by now have gotten tired of my persistent attempts at teaching them conservationism!

Another fine morning, in the bathroom.. i was brushing my teeth! right next to me was this great friend of mine.. He was attempting to clean his eyes... in a way which required him to touch the running water one every ten seconds and wipe his eye with the wet finger!

I somehow can't resist the temptation of turning off running taps.. as seeing water being wasted creates unrest in my mind!!

So instinctively, I turned his tap off too!
Almost before i'd give him any conservation fundaes! He almost mockingly shouted : 'Aye, ab tu fatte mat maar'

Somewhat angered, I shouted back, 'Isiliye, tumhaare jaise kutte germany mein jyaada acchhe hain.. ' and some words urging him to leave India..

All this sudden new found nationalism? I can probably not handle it!

But it's putting off to see one of the brightest and great hearted ppl i know behave so unreasonably and refusing to relent either!

Never mind.. much to their chagrin, I still keep turning my neighbor brusher's taps off!

Cheers! (on a glass of water??????)


Friday, August 19, 2005

Sharing this load!

Tiffin time at mess.

I'd gotten to the table with a plate of something that's something like a sabudaane ki khichdi... at least that's what the mess workers have named it for all official purposes.

Its not one of the things I like a lot.. and more so .. with the way it was made.. anybody who even loved it.. would leave the thoughts of eating it ever again.

A friend sitting on the same table as me.. was finding it difficult to eat a third spoon from the plateful that he'd brought of the thing for himself.

The guy next to him had somehow just managed to finish what he'd brought.

Now this friend of mine had an earnest request!

'Oye, aadha tu fenk, aadha main fekta hoon'

and he poured half of his plate's contents (which was almost as much as he'd brought) into the other guy's plate.

Both of them conveniently went on to discard the meal!

I found it difficult to figure out what the reason for this shared wastage was?

An attempt to rid oneself of the guilt of throwing a whole lot of food away or making sure you're not causing any eyebrows being raised??

At over twenty years of age, we can't seem to figure out how hungry we are.
Over a couple of years eating at the mess, we still don't know how good or bad which dish is...

We're THE brightest heads of the nation!

The IITians!

A standing ovation!


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

9 bucks??

Had gone to Thane to get the forms for CAT. Reached at 4:30.. only to see that the bank closes at 4! Couldn't have made a completely pointless trip, so got together with a friend.. to go walking near the lake.

Was indulging in my usual philosophies when a kid came up, his hand outstretched in front.. gesturing to indicate that he was hungry and wanted to eat!

I candidly asked him,
'kya chahiye?' (not an angry tone)
he didn't respond, just gestured!
I asked, 'kuchh khaane ka hai?' He nodded in agreement!
There wasn't anything except a Bhuttawala around! so,
'Bhutta Khayega?'
another polite nod!
'kaisa diya bhaiya??'
the bhuttawala responded-- 4 ka hai, 5 ka hai, 6 ka hai!
The kid ought to make this I asked him.. and he plainly pointed at the 4 rupee thing!
'kya naam hai tera'
first time i hear him speak!-'krishna'
'kal koi khilaane wala nahi milega to kya karega?'
no response
'zindagi bhar bheek hi maangta rahega?'
I suddenly realized, he was too young to probably even understand what he was doing!
Didn't bug him anymore.. he walked away with his bhutta... and me with the wanderings of my mind!

some time later.. another little girl came up.. i thought it unfair to spare this one! so asked her if a bhutta would be okay.. only a nod! I asked the bhuttawala to give her whichever she wanted! and almost instantly..her partner.. another little one.. who had earlier crossed over.. seeing her with me... came over and looked at me quizzically! as if asking what's this happening... why this injustice to me!

and almost naturally.. without me saying anything.. the bhuttawala smiled.. handed a piece each to these two! and they happily walked away! i paid him.. 5 bucks.

the calculative mind was at this moment doing a cost benefit analysis.. 30 bucks spent on a chocolate milkshake.. compared to 9 bucks spent here!

my wanderings and seemingly overt benevolence irritated my friend.. and we made a move.. so i wouldn't end up feeding half of Thane!

On the way back, some thoughts from the thane lakeside lingered on..

those three kids..right from birth.. they'd probably never had an introduction with our favorite uncle.. the concepts of dignity or feeling ashamed in begging... while living on the same planet.. not so far away, we are buried rather deeply in our self inflated egos and glorified self respects seem to be driving us crazy.. including often seeking revenges for so called moral offences!


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Smiling at Life.. at strangers! the Munnabhai way!

Had initiated writing about Munna Bhai MBBS…. Some stupid thing happened.. and the whole page went off! Taking my composition along!

My 'Contemporary Urban India Classes' wondered upon the cause of rising apathy among weber’s ‘city’ dwellers! Exploring reasons was almost like justifying the adage that Ignorance is bliss, because you can’t lose sleep every night over a calamity or an accident or other issues! Be indifferent if you want to survive!

Bliss.. most welcome! But the not so great allied consequence of this so called bliss seems to have crept into city life in the form of crass impersonalism and a crude professionalism, which insists that one should take care of one’s own business and be content with it!

Then there's this aspect of transient relationships that are created for a purpose and are usually inconsequential otherwise.. only sometimes, they do lead to greater bondings!

I took a note, I wrote in my copy, “ Kitne ajeeb Rishtey hain yahaan pe!”

A friend questioned, what would it take to cure this apathy among the city dwellers.. as if it were some malaise and not a bliss! Amazingly, ma’am was supportive of this thought! Suggested us to look at bollywood!
I could only think up Viruddh and Sarkar at that moment.. for their curings of the malaises of society!

But ma’am had a different picture! She talked of Munnabhai MBBS.. and the one and only thing I recalled at that moment.. I recounted it aloud.. Munna's Jaadu ki Jhappi to the hospital sweeper!

Then I wondered.. what it would be like.. to lighten ourselves and some others in course of our daily lives! To bring a smile to a sad face.. to smile at a passing stranger.. to smile at this nerve-cracking monotony of life!

Then some faces blinked before me.... Rajanbhai, Balu, Mahesh, Venkatesh, Laxman…. (you know any of these??) Could I be a Munnabhai Btech in the making.. ? looking at my acads.. that component comes naturally to me (or rather, is missing naturally) About the other part.. there’s still a lot more to it! some more inhibitions to shed!

I've created a community called Munnabhai MBBS on orkut.. for those who loved the movie.. and for those who loved the concept! Of smiling at strangers.. and taking the life around us a little more personally!
maybe some people will think about it!


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

B'day Celebration!!

I was the most lucky ones to have recieved a really special guest for my b'day at midnite!

Though not really wanting to do that.. i had to bail Som out of the charges of kicking a freshie.. coz incidentally.. it was me who was being mistaken for being a freshie!!

thinking about all the kicks i got.. I really wish i was one!

I wonder what's his human obsession wiht sadistic pleasures.. coming out of hte screams of someone in pain.. and further kicking him harder!

I pitied myself.. while my so called savior seemed amused himself!

they almost make it seem like I've committed the biggest sin of my life by being born!


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Funny talks!

Was going through archives looking for something.. happened to look into an old conversation!
made a weirdly funny read!


wanderer : hey..
wanderer : when's your b'day?
wanderer : and what's your sign????
Islander: why ?
wanderer : generally..
wanderer : thinking of putting it on record!
Islander: my sign rite now is 'no entry' !
wanderer : that's your heart's sign
wanderer : may be!
Islander: i was born a day after the great american revolution
Islander: yes
wanderer : and does it work?
wanderer : do ppl ask for the permission i mean..
wanderer : ?
Islander: no, french revolution !
Islander: for what?
wanderer : well.. i was bad with my history lessons as well..
wanderer : so tell me the date will you?
Islander: the heart sign, pple normally dont but then they r thrown out soon !!!
wanderer : that means they manage to enter ;-)
Islander : of course they do !
Islander : but as i said, they r THROWN OUT
wanderer : well.. guess i'd discuss on this one some other day.
Islander : or normally they cant afford the inexhorbitant rents to stay there !!!:D
wanderer : that's provocative..
wanderer : but i'd keep mum right now
wanderer : someone might just decide to buy out the space...
wanderer : forever!!!!
Islander : that will be good for ur mental health !
Islander : i doubt if someone like that exists !
wanderer : you don't need to worry about MY mental helth..
Islander : who is that rich
wanderer : wait till cindrella meets the princecharming..
Islander : and its 'NOT ON SALE'
Islander : nor am i 'Cinderella' !
wanderer : if it can be rented..
wanderer : it can be bought out too..
Islander : only 'RENTED'
Islander: it can be, but only i decide when to sell it
wanderer : well..
wanderer : you won't realize when you've sold it already!
wanderer : in fact..
wanderer : someone might just steal it away ;-)
Islander: I am not letting that happen !
wanderer : you don't let that happen..
wanderer : it doesn't wait for your permission!
Islander: I keep a very strong bodyguard there !
wanderer : oh yeah?
Islander: or rather a 'heartguard'
wanderer : umm...
wanderer : its only an illusion dear!!
Islander: definitely
Islander: cant take risks in matters of the heart !
wanderer : well..i m finding it weird..
wanderer : talking about matters of the heart with someone I hardly know!
Islander: same here !!
wanderer : why so?
wanderer : i asked first!!
Islander: but its more of at a different level
Islander: u know intellectual tete a tete
wanderer : oh..
wanderer : thanks for allowing me entry into the intellectual tete-a-tete..
wanderer : i am usually not qualified for that!
Islander: :-))
Islander: i doubt
wanderer : what?
Islander: :-))
wanderer : what's the doubt i asked!
Islander : chill
Islander : just pulling ur leg !!
wanderer : oh.. its too long.
wanderer : you'd get tired pulling it
wanderer : you seem to be in a rather jolly mood today.
wanderer : something special?
wanderer : just found a renter???
Islander : not really.. too many things at hand.. life's being a little weird!

And then, iit broke off again into the monotonies of boring lives!


Today, having indulged myself in shopping for food..I figured I could happily rechristen myself as the GRUB lord....

Summer time.. pretty much starvation time.. wake up in the morning, unusually early.. only to discover that the mess is no more open.. there's no source of food closer than maddu.. So today I decided to end all my woes. I went to DMart on grub shopping.. and have now pretty much dropped!

once again.. credit card allows me magnificent levels of indulgence..........

groceries worth 500 bucks..since I have sworn that won't get any thinner this summer.. lets see.. if i keep having hte lunches and the dinners.. and additionally also consume the litres of milk and the toasts and grub that i've brought..(which would pretty much make me a Jughead..) I'm sure to put on some weight!

Cheers! with some chilled chocolate milkshake!

lunch.. sleep.. dinner.. more sleep! life's bliss then!


Monday, May 16, 2005

What not to do at IIT!

Hey! wake up!!

Okay, that was a statement from DK Sharma Sir for me in the Class today.

Whatever you do in life man.. never flunk a course at IIT! First, you'll end up tearing your jeans and wearing out your footwear trying to locate the prof. for a summer course.. and then you'd pull your own hair.. and break your own head.... attending the summer classes.. where you can't sleep/do something else.. coz its just ten guys in the class!

Today was the fourth class in Analog summer course. What to do of this wierdly enthusiastic prof. ?? He's gonna take all of those 60 lectures with religious diligence. I don't wanna die a flunker.... though am not too sure I'd survive till the exam for this course happens!

Well, looking at it objectively.. shouldnt' the prof. understand that each of the students in the class are sitting there only so that they woudln't have to stay for another sem.. and can appropriately get senti at their 'own' valfi.. and precisely have no interest in getting really smart at solving the circuits!

He must understand that the input impedance of our minds is too high.. and his output impedance being so low.. there's gonna be only a negligible gain!

Khair.. ab kya kahen!
sir is transmitting it very well.. as my co-prisoners say.. but for me... there's too much of noise.. can't help!


Thursday, May 12, 2005

A Beautiful world! on the LCD..

Having a pocketable digi cam has its advantages... at least you dont' ever
feel that its a kodak moment and then curse yourself for not having a camera..
you can carry this thing around all the time!

More than that, if you're ardently into capturing beautiful moments from the
world and keep your eyes open.. it kinda brings about a change in perspective..
you start to see the more beautiful things in the world. You start to notice the
beauty which existed all the time.. right in front of your eyes.. and you didn't
care to notice!

And then.. its an awesome pleasure to observe the smiling face when you show
them their own pic on the LCD.

I just happened to be sitting on the lakeside around lunchtime today! I usually hate waiting for people... but being on the lakeside.. you'd probably start wanting to not go to the person you're waiting for!

Okay, so I'm just sitting, breathing some fresh air.. and relaxing.. and i lay my eyes on a couple of kids.. no disneyland.. no essel world.. they are happy with this own self created swing!

"aapka photo kheech loon"

Peeche se baccchhon ke father gave them smiling instructions to stay still and not move..It would've spoiled the naturality..(which i'd anyway done by this time) but I asked them to swing again.. and click!

"Aapko dekhna hai apna photo"

-"Dekh dekh.. TV hai.. photu dikhta hai"

and the smile on the faces! definitely worth a lot!

Okay, so the waiting time wasn't over yet.. I came back to my seat.. a garden bench.. and then.. I witness more things..

First, it was a little difficult to go upto them.. and take a front photo.. so I stayed back.. and then I got the call that okay.. the person's arrived... but the shot was not worth missing out. So I walked upto them..went in front.. .knelt down and .......

Here's the luncheon for you..

"aapka photo kheechen to bura to nahin manoge"

I'm an amateur of course.. so before I clicked.. one of the ladies got up to arrange her clothes and all properly..but I asked them to continue eating... It was a special meal today.. they'd brought a piece of some sweet!

And again.. the smiles!

one asked me :'ab yeh kahaan aayega??'

the other said : 'akhbaar mein???'

I'd to be simple.. 'nahin.. website pe daalunga' ... umm.. nahin.. 'computer pe daalunga' hoping that they'd understand!!

And I went on to have my Luncheon... at Gulmohar.. all full with Raita, Salad, Koftas and a Butterscotch for dessert...............

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Credit Cards are Fun!

Having a credit card makes you feel proud! While its sometimes a lot of help.. sometimes its a lot of happy careless spending too!

But hey, don't they say.. Money you enjoy spending is not money wasted! So the celebration of this new found credit card starts with a treat at Mocha! 250 rupees!

Yippiee!! a card can buy fuel... 'fill me worth hundred bucks'
two days later... 'fill me worth hundred bucks'
same week... ' yaar 150 ka daal do'

As if one card wasn't sufficient.. the SBI guy caught me at the petrol pump.. and strongly recommended that i take an SBI Card. Having some more of someone else's money to spend on others.. it got me lured.. After three verification phonecalls, a falsely made up birthdate for myself and a couple of verification visits.. i had no communication from SBI for a couple of weeks.

another two days later.. 'fill me worth hundred bucks', 'Sorry sir.. card machine nahin chal rahi'
OOPS!! 'patodi, got any cash?? ' okay.. fuel it worth thirty bucks'

the first credit card statement was not such a shock.. coz it was only for a period of two weeks!

With this newly found magic wand(the magic card actually), i get pretty instumental in spending someone else's money (here, the bank) on someone else.. (all the people who sweetly request the use of MY credit card, to make payments on THEIR behalves, on THEIR treats.. promising to return me later).

Now, life's a problem all the time when you're dealing with money! I gotta be worried in both situations.. whether people pay up.. or they don't!
If they pay in cash.. I'd end up spending the bank's money on myself! (I don't know how those two thousand flew away)
If they don't pay up.. the money's turning into bad debt.. and I can't even hire recoverers!

So the Prince with a Credit Card becomes a default payer at all the eat outs.. at movies and everywhere a credit card works!

Haven't bought clothes for myself...for quite some time.. lets go shopping..don't have a single rupee in cash.. so what! I hold closely my HSBC Classic Card! Damages..altogether.. 1500 rupees!

Then a friend is in a rough mood... needs to talk.. and I suggest we go out and have something.. okay.. Shera. a couple of mocktails.. a starter.. 350 rupees!

Diggi's gotta buy a ticket.. 2000 rupees.. (by this time, i am smart enough to ask for payment by cheque.. so i won't spend all the cash)

And thus get added miscellanous purchases for 700, 800, 550 rupees.. and so on!

I haven't yet been able to find courage to look up the new statement. Gonna be a difficult thing to handle.. I've finished the cash received from home... I'm overdue on my credit card bills... .and I dont' have any of the money returned by the good guys!

In fact, for want of fuel..I have now parked my scooter at the main gate, where it looks as if its been abandoned for ages... what to do.. can't afford the fuel anymore.

The need for improvement in my cash flows.. made me intercept the cash payment of the bill (means grabbing the bill book in between varun and the waiter) at pizza hut last nite! I happily pocketed all the cash.. and put my credit card.. I know, I'm loading myself further with debt.. but next month is far... and it can be handled! The cash didn't help much.. I had to return it to Neelesh.. He'd paid the fees for my summer course!

And then.. and then.. and then.. I received a letter from SBI! To my utter relief.. it said that my request for a credit card had been declined! Man, I was happy! Couldn't have survived another card yaar!

Hey.. isnt' someone registering for GRE?? Its gonna push the payement of at least 6k by one more month!! please someone appear for GRE.. my card is at your service.. for the registration!! I'm willing to offer one percent discount too!!

A princely credit card holder


Internship Woes

'An undergraduate student is required to undergo an internship of 8 weeks in a recognized institute/organization'-IIT's academic Rules.

As lots of people do, I also waited for just the last desperate moments in order to get started with looking for my internhship. I was going on pretty happy considering that I'd do my internship under my BTP Guide itself.. it would work as a prelude to the BTP.. and keep the guide happy too!

Now, when the guide started giving me assignments..I don't seem to be finding too much interest in all the boring readings he prescribed and thanks to my dept. guide, my eco prof.cum guide is already skeptical about my seriousness about the BTP hence, would offer me the summer internship only if i make 'reasonable progress' in a week! the week that ended yesterday! and progress..yeah. lots of it. except that it was only in dreams.

But the week being over, I needed to meet my guide! So I call him up and get an appointment for the next day. At least this day passes foraging for some bits of interesting information that might be hidden somewhere in the wierd long analyses of European History.. about their colonization and industrial revolution.. too bad.. i'll have to understand all the things that worked for them.. and that didn't work in past.. in order to predict what'll work and what not!

But then.. why go Europe.. i found the investment climate survey for India.. and it seemed pretty interesting to know that bigshots won't open a company in some weird city if they can't get a phone line in two days.. or agar vahaan bijli paani dhang se nahin aata! investment climate you see! you can try to locate quite a few innovative parameters here... like maybe how much bribe is needed to get an officer on inspection return you could live happily ever after!!

Anyway.. having overloaded my poor brain with a lot of utterly useless information about Europe and some interesting stuff about India.. I gathered the courage to go see my guide!

Hooray.. he's kinda okay with my progress.. and has given me loads of other ideas about readings and library visits.

And then.. and then and then........ Shit happens. a 'Vajrapat' on me.. 'kuthaaraghat' on my poor BTP plan.. and declaration of 'aapatkaal' for searching another internship... outside the insti.. coz my HOD doesn't like us EP guys having even a little bit of peace in our life!
And life stands screwed now!

The freakin summer course.. I can't even fake a certi from Delhi or Udaipur!
But mujhe tension kyon nahin ho rahi hai??

Now, I'm wondering if they're gonna approve a Part time Call Center job as a useful internship!

Any ideas anybody???

Monday, May 09, 2005

Why does one need to eat!

Okay, tomorrow morning is quantum exam and i feel like starting a blog! and i start one, the one of defiant thoughts. ok. consequence? a DD in qmech!

Couldn't be any better anyways.

Ohkay, so in the middle of the exams, I suddenly got enthusiastic to start writing a blog, and now, two weeks after the exams, I haven’t put down an entry! Maybe it’s the regular ‘avoid study’ phenomenon that usually comes to play when exams are right on the head! And now, well, i have the whole of the summers at my disposal, could write just about everything i want to write about!

Summers.. days starting with early mornings! I wouldn't have ever woken up for breakfast during regular days.. and since the day the mess has closed.. I'd typically be cuckooing away the morning hunger.. being up at seemingly unearthly hours!

Okay.. the growls in the stomach play a constant reminder that I can't push the first meal of the day beyond lunch.. while sem ke during, skipping meals was a kids play!
So far the Jain temple is serving me well.. and the mice in the belly are violent enough by the afternoon.. to drive away the laziness.. preparing me for a lovely walk in the sun.. right in the middle of the day!

I should sweat it out in order to get the food.. I wouldn't enjoy it in the full otherwise! So what if the long walk... lot of food.. and long walk back are enough to keep me in the bed for the whole afternoon. I shouldnt' really be blaming the food or the walk for the sleep.. there are other more dominant factors.. which are a different story altogether!

Aren't there some sort of pills/capsules available.. which would eliminate the need of eating regular food! what a bliss it would be! Then.. i actually wouldn't be able to blame the sun and the food for the laziness! no worry.. i'll always find some reason!

Cheers!(only with a bottle of cold water right now)

sleeping away to glory! yearning for some food.. why does someone not come and treat me??