Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Attitude eh? What does he think of himself!

Yet another batchmate pointed it out that the one thing that he'll probably remember about me.. is the Attitude. And not referring to attitude in a general sense.. calling it the chilled out attitude or something.. THE Attitude

Now, whether to attribute it to the leo inherent in me... or to the way I've come to become.. it's been ages since I've been labeled as the attitude boy! When I was young.. it was my sisters' friends.. who'd perceive that way.. and then whoever meets me... surely manages to get the same first impression! So whether it be my class mates.. or my fresher or later year wing mates.. or the people I bumped into during Mood Indigo.. or the Spic Macay National Convention.... I'm the one with the Attitude! There's gotta be something there!

What is this Attitude and how do I define mine? Is there something right or wrong about it? Do I end up offending people even without realizing it? Do I come across as very impolite? Or do I think too highly of myself? Do I constantly condescend or show people down? Do I live in a superiority complex?

I guess there was time when I was at my arrogant best.. and yes.. then there was perhaps an unconcious condescension that was happening all the time..There was a time when I'd gotten seriously thinking about my attitude as an issue.. when too many people had complained all at the same time.. I'd once asked a friend to point out my weaknesses as she saw them.. and we'd spoken of the attitude as a key issue! Recollecting those times.. she wondered if I still worried about that.. she guessed not.. and she guessed it right!

I believe I've left those times behind.. eventually.. either I toned it down... or people stopped minding it anymore. At least for the people who know me well enough.. the attitude isnt' really that big an issue.... in fact, amusingly, some people.. from some point in time when they absolutely hated it.. and hated me for it.. have now grown into liking it. Maybe I've managed to get them to appreciate the beauty of arrogance.. (Personally I am fascinated to people with an inoffensive and mild arrogance.. but then... it's difficult to know when the mildness line is crossed)

Barring a few valfi time reminders.. which are expected to be a reflection of my predominant tendencies over the past four years.. I believe this tinge of arrogance serves me just fine!

Now if someone is bothered by it.. he's most welcome to say it in my face when I offend him.. and I promise I'd be polite enough to bend down and apologize! I do not enjoy hurting people.. but sometimes.. being too straightforward is a moral crime.. and guess that's what testifies against me.

Sorry folks.. I never really intended to offend anyone.. so Dil pe mat lena yaar!

But then.. if you're bent on taking offence even when I didn't mean it... and not even mentioning it.. then I really can't help it yaar!

Chill... Relax..Take it easy!


Thursday, April 20, 2006

Everyone's really good at heart??

'Kam padega to maang ke khaa lenge.. par gaddari nahin karenge'

Some morals that would probably be difficult to find in the most well bred and well brought up people.. were to be seen in an auto rikshaw driver.. who took a shortcut to save us time.... harming his own income in the process.

We tend to believe that man is corrupt by nature.. but I get reminded of Anne Frank.. whose personal thoughts were that 'inspite of everything, I still believe that everyone's really good at heart.' Intuitively, I like to believe in the goodness of human beings... in their inner honest nature! Now, they tell me that this illusion shall be destroyed once I leave the cosy confines of my college and step out into the real harsh world.. somehow.. the mind supports it.. but the heart refuses to believe! Guess, some lessons are meant to be learnt the hard way!

My experiences so far.. have somewhat tended to prove otherwise.. when i've closely interacted with the people in question.. there was Mahesh.. a sweeper with PHO.. who'd refused to accept a bakshish for a timely service.. because his service hours were going on.. and he really didn't need to ask for anything extry beyond his salary.. to perform his duty!

Now.. it's amusing to note the ideals of people so low in the so called socio-economic strata.. it would be difficult to be found in high caliber and high status people anywhere..

If only our politicians possessed a small bit of this integrity.. we'd be living in a different place by now!



Tuesday, April 18, 2006

If Everyone loves you, you're Boring!

I'd so loved this philosophy.. when I first read about it ages ago.. but never really thought it would become rather well ingrained in my personality!

and why not.. for someone with an attitude as mine.. this is one line that can justify endless showers of my affection on people who might have expected a more humble behavior from the all so naive me! and am I sorry to them? I guess not!

Thanks to a few cans of beer.. this is now a popular funda.. from Baba 'anks' .. who proclaimed his right to throwing his attitude... on whoever he thought deserved it.. during the so called senti part of his farewell profile

Yes.. I tried that I do not leave any grudges with anyone.. but then in some cases.. it'll probably only have to be forgotten.. Can't help it yaar!

It's like.. you do need some people who hold grudges.. who hate you.. who dislike you.. that's what adds spice to life and that's what makes life interesting! now come on.. don't you agree????

alright.. call me the bad boy or whatever.. but I somehow am pretty much ok.. and rather happy with it!

Ok.. so you wanna hate me too.. sorry yaar.. can't help it!

Relax yaar...Chill!


Monday, April 17, 2006

Exaltation Quotient? ZERO

Just the other day.. I was sitting at Pizza Hut with a friend.. and came in a high flying career woman.. flaunting a phoren accent, emanating from an AC luxury car with two male colleagues... discussing some hi-fi things!

I got into thinking... executives... consultants.. the most exalted professionals in the corporate circles.. degree wise.. IIT and IIM are the most awesome things that could spin a dream career for you! And here I am.. having made it all this far! Somehow.. the exaltation wasn't all so apparent.. somehow.. I didn't feel all that exuberant about having made it to IIM Calcutta!

Did it have something to do with my inherent desi-ness which I am all the more proud of.. which would probably feel lost in the middle of phoren accent high fliers?

Or was it the disillusionment.. that coming all this far.. wasn't that big a deal actually.. as it is made out to be! But then.. for the society it still is a big deal! Papa.. typically representing the line of thought of his peer group out there in udaipur.. says people would be more than happy to pay a crore of rupees for a single seat in the IIMs if it is on offer that way!

Should that make me feel happy? Not quite... satisfied? I dunno..

Is this where I belong.. is this what my calling is?

I don't know!

Wish me luck.. in the quest to find my own destiny!



Sunday, April 16, 2006

Aye Saala!

There's something about being a six pointer.. which.. if it gets to you.. is a troublesome thing to handle.... and then very difficult to leave..

It's got something to do with what Akio Morita talked about as mental laziness.. That is, if for a prolonged period of time, you really haven't been working hard on anything at all.. you end up losing the capacity to work hard! and then it's kinda difficult to one day out of the blues crack anything in life....

For someone who's become habitual to being a loser at academics.. someone who's learnt to live with low grades.. become immune to the ashaming glances of the professors... kept himself out of any kind of academic discussions.. (considering himself underqualified to comment on them) for someone whose social life gets affected when he carries the label of a mediocre academic around.. and when people also start to see him in that light.. no one's surprised at yet another screw up by him..

When his father starts questioning if he doesn't want to do IAS because of an escapist tendency... that is.. he doesn't intend to work hard.. or if he's not sure if he'll make it... He's so afraid of the failure that he doens't want to write the exam in the first place...

And then failures at job interviews.. where no one's willing to buy that 'not interested in the subject' theory... they lead you into the gloomy world of a lesser mortal existence!

but then.. the worst is when he begins to lose his faith in himself.... and starts to wallow in the royal abandon.. consciously turning his head away from the tough things in life.. and humoring himself by living in the 'ditch!' philosophy.

Guess it's a psychological vicious circle.... one thing leads to another.. and like a phoenix that is bound to rise only from ashes.. you see yourself fathoming hte greatest of depths.. but then goodness prevails.. your hope and your faith survives the juggernauts from all directions.. then you break the shackles... and reaffirm your own faith in yourself.. and then you begin to see.. that the world trusted you all the time.. those who didn't.. were the once who hardly cared... and the ones who hardly mattered!

The world knew you would make it! Only you didn't! Guess that's what they mean in the psychological theories of projecting your state of mind onto the others.. and see everything in a particular light!

Ab galti meri thi.. ya situation ki.. ya kissi aur ki.. par ab situation rectify hone ke baad thoda achchha lagta hai.. the faith is regained.. although the exalted feeling of having succeeded bigtime is missing.. (probably because it doesnt' seem big enough.. after having made it)... anyway.. that story will go on in another entry.... meanwhile..

Aye Saala.. abhi abhi hua yakin.. ke aag hai.. mujhmein kahin!



Saturday, April 15, 2006

From CAT to CAL

someimes I find my confidence bordering on insanity.. when I wrote JEE.. i didn't write any other exams.. when I was into CAT.. I didn't appear for placements.. (it's a different thing that a job wasn't on the cards anyway..) but I sure can be smug talking this way..I'd made a posting sometime in october last year, about The genesis of the CAT success story.. well.. a little overconfident apparently.. but it feels good to look back and say that dude.. I had the balls to make those claims!

and now.. on april 15th.. here I sit.. with an offer letter from IIM Calcutta in my hands! The fears allayed.. the tension resolved...the insecurities subsided.. the question still remaining.. what am I gonna do next.. it would've probably been simpler had i not gotten through! People know me as crazy enough.. and they do ask if I am gonna take it.. while in normal situations.. for someone who's ditched IIT placements.. it would've been a definite obvious!

In fond memories, the entire interview was a pleasing experience... prolly those guys took me in... coz it was apparent that both them and me.. enjoyed hte interview process.. so what with a couple of really dumb jokes! Guess it was this pleasurable experience which made me call up my folks and tell them that if the Cal guys don't take me in.. they're outta their minds.. which rejected the insecurity inserted by ppl who feared that i was being over confident! I mean.. yeah.. it is a little crazy indeed!

anyway.. for the benefit of my own indulgence in self congratulation.. I feel like taking up some of the things that transpired in the interview with the Calcutta guys.. that they got bullied into taking me in.. when the others.. L/I/K simply threw me out! I keep humoring myself saying that only the real 'johari' can identify the 'real diamond'.. bole toh.. L/I/K couldn't appreciate my Godgiri! :-)

Khair.. Mera Jaadu chal gaya!

One interview.. where I quickly wriggled out of explaining about my fatela acads.. one interview which never entered into Current affairs or anything technical for that matter!

One interview where i talked and philosophised about street photography.... and attacked the NGOs blatantly trying to stop child labour.. where i joked about a megaphone being useless on the moon.. because there'd be no audience ( actually there's no air on the moon for the sound to travel) where I spoke about Lord Krishna.. and his mythical trails of HR adventures! Where I spoke the famous RDB dialogue, 'Koi bhi desh perfect nahin hota, use perfect banaana padta hai' , where I glorified the 'chalta hai-nahin chalega' campaign.

And yes.. one place where the entrepreneur in me.. when asked to choose between a high paying US job and a moderate Indian job.. took a third option.. and said he'd ditch the placement process!

Man! I was impressive :-))

ab lag raha hai... ki yeh blog entry results se pehle karni chahiye thi.. kaafi jyaada phantomgiri lagti! but chalta hai! overdose nahin!

Finally.. congratulate me on this success.. though it isn't yet giving me the exalted feeling! Ab to life mein naye confusions start ho gaye hain! lets see where life takes!

and yes.. out of my usual habit of giving fundaes.. what's primary is to be yourself.. you really can't prepare with knowledge for your interviews man! at least for the IIMs. It's your personality that's taking the test.. and not your knowledge!