Sunday, August 05, 2007

Proactivity and Pragmatism...

My status : 'Feels weird to know that you don't know what you're feeling'

Wanderer : happy friendship day!

A Pragmatist : hey thanks! Same to u! Nice status

Wanderer : :)

Was writing my diary wrote this line instinctively and then looked back and saw it's actually nice :)

A Pragmatist : :) this sounds more like u!

Wanderer : :P totally me, unadulterated

A Pragmatist : yup grt! its kind of related to what I was the sense...b4 I used to think I can easily predict how I would behave or react in a situation, lately I realize I don’t really know myself that well...n I have been waiting for reactions u know when something happens or whatever only to realize I don’t really react the way it is stereotyped, or even expected

Wanderer : :) I don't know... never gone by stereotypes

A Pragmatist : n I don’t really have a prob with that only exploring this dimension

Wanderer : m too much of an independence freak that way

A Pragmatist : :) great. I’m kind of the conformist but I don’t know.. its fine sticking to rules when they make sense, when its nonsense then its another thing, when the person who made them also has no clue its even worse, u get the diff? It’s not pointless only from your point of view nobody understands anything, so no point sticking to their stupidity u can as well rely on yours

Wanderer : ok, that was a tangent but yeah, I agree it's like the person who actually thought up this rule was as rational and sensible as I am right now so well. I can make a choice whether or not to follow this rule. I mean.. If it doesn’t make sense to me, I’m free to live by my own rules !

A Pragmatist : exactly that’s case 1 but what happens is bcoz of the way things r changing the person who is supposed to make the rules is also not sure what is 'right' or best if u prefer, so his/her decision is based on as much limited info as mine

Wanderer : so well, let me die of my own decisions, than someone else's. It's like.. My obsession of not sitting behind someone on a bike- if I am to die I’ll die with my own mistake


A Pragmatist : :) I would have used a diff example but BINGO. Its more like the only reason I would live by someone else's rules or whatever is if it guarantees me the destination I wanna go to, if not, I can as well live it the way I think best and hope to have as good or bad a chance of reaching where I want to

Wanderer : yeps

So well. The destiny is ultimately in your own hands and the lie... is indeed the worlds' biggest lie!


A Pragmatist : :) well the comfort of being able to blame someone else for all that goes wrong in your life is not worth screwing it all up taking some responsibility goes a long way, make your decisions, make your mistakes, face the music, live your life, don’t live life proxy!

Wanderer : but then.. We’re too happy to play 'if it weren't for you'

In so many of our life's situations

Sometimes blaming parents, sometimes other people around us, sometimes the boy/girl friend

A Pragmatist : exactly

Wanderer : just refusing to take control as if you’re just helpless- guided by an external controlling force.. Pinch yourself, wake up and smell the coffee or perhaps the roses

A Pragmatist : yup! whatever.. just feels alive

Wanderer : and in control

I wonder.. If the so called control freaks actually mean this kinda control...

A Pragmatist : ya I know what u mean..We all have a responsibility to our bit, and it does make a diff

Wanderer : so what do we do with people, who constantly say that they don't know what's going on and they can't help it?

A Pragmatist : hmm friendly advice is one thing otherwise this works best with altering our behavior action as well as reaction

Wanderer : ?

What if advice doesn't work? They listen but eventually come back to the same drama

A Pragmatist : u know the more consciously u live your life n make your choices, the greater responsibility u take for them and have the guts to face the consequences

Wanderer : or perhaps you go on living in denial, refusing to live any moment completely

You end up doing things half heartedly, you behave in ways you can't explain

A Pragmatist : I guess we all go through phases, and some take more time. After all our lives do follow different trajectories rite, n then again ppl r plain different

Wanderer : what if you see me messing up my life, just because I’m being indecisive and refusing to take control and then complaining about things not going right..

A Pragmatist : I would try to show u the root cause of the problem, if u r already aware of it and yet unable to rectify it, I’ll give u time but will also tell u to realize it is all in your hands...n would like to check if there is something u r unable to express which I may help u sort out

But u know there are levels to all relationships and there is only so far u can go

Wanderer : you've tried all you can but I still go back to ground zero when would you give up?

A Pragmatist : exasperating much as I would wish to shake u up and knock some sense into u, i'll refrain from doing so because we all have to arrive at our answers on our own, we can’t be forced to arrive at them. I would also hope to god by the time u reach there on your own it is not too late

Wanderer : time's slipping by and I might be drowning deeper into issues reacting in the moment and perhaps opening further cans of worms

A Pragmatist : yup that’s the biggest issue 'waqt ki qaid mein zindagi hai' those who learn to swim with it succeed those who don’t I don’t know in addition to everything have a lot of regrets

Wanderer : what's wrong with learning your lessons the hard way?

A Pragmatist : nothing as long as there is more to the lessons than advice for the next generation if u know what I mean thru my own experience I realize how crucial time and timing are in life, zindagi ke safar mein guzar jate hain jo makam voh phir nahi aate

Wanderer : Life’s chapters can't be erased, much as you like- you can't turn back time

A Pragmatist : exactly, it’s like your CAT paper in four hrs anyone can solve it, what matters is finishing it in 2

A Pragmatist : that’s the next step but life mein at 30 u may know exactly what u shud have done at 25 but what's the point?

Wanderer : :)

Interesting, so what do you do when you realize at 25.5 what you should've done at 25 and well.. What if you never realize..

A Pragmatist : u c if what u think u shud have done u know if on that line u can alter something now...if not write it down in the advice column :) but not many listen to advice

Wanderer : coz you go on wallowing in self pity

A Pragmatist : n what wud have been rite for u may not b for the next person that last bit is most depressing coz u waste away more of your life than was wasted by your original mistake or say whatever was the coz of self pity

Wanderer : what if you the choose to exile yourself

A Pragmatist : self pity is the biggest mistake and leads to the gravest crime self torture and a wasted life

Wanderer : but how do you get out of it, when your perception only reinforces your beliefs

A Pragmatist : SNAP OUT OF IT, when u know your perception reinforces your beliefs think positive be positive and act positive

Wanderer : you think that's easy?

A Pragmatist : who said life was easy, but u go down one road u'll reach only where it takes u n the road of self pity taketh one not to success or fulfillment

Wanderer : so how do you change the road?

A Pragmatist : consciously, choose where u want to go first then take the road that takes u there..Can be thru process of elimination or direct choice

Wanderer : too objective, for someone to follow when they're not in the best state of mind

A Pragmatist : see theory needs to be applied subjectively by each of us but the principle doesn’t change. This is the core of it much as one may find it difficult

Wanderer : so assertiveness is the key.. Ok so in your last whim of assertiveness you started on a route but you realized half way through that you can't do this; then what?

A Pragmatist : see if u realize half way thru that u r wrong then u need to have the humility to make amends if u know u r rite but the road is very difficult then u hold on and ask for the strength to go on, u find it if u want it bad enough

Wanderer : you talk like motivation gurus, it’s easier said than done, you can't just suddenly step back form your life and redo the jigsaw. There are ties that would need to be broken, there are knots that would need to be untied and well.. There are broken ties which you can not join again

A Pragmatist : see..There are some things that can’t be undone..n some places there is no going back then u only try to save what u can of what remains...u cant erase what happened n rewrite it

Wanderer : happens, and well it all started with a confused status message

A Pragmatist : lol but at our age we r allowed to b confused even expected to b so

Wanderer : and well, you’re being quite a pragmatist, and well nothing wrong with being one

A Pragmatist : takes guts sometimes coz ppl accuse u of being heartless sometimes, which is far from the case

Wanderer : well, the fact that you bother about what ppl label is testimony to the presence of the heart

A Pragmatist : :) see the thing is not what everyone thinks matters but when ppl u love or think u know and know u say something it hurts esp. when u r vulnerable n doing ur best to not let that cloud u

Wanderer : whatever happened to the objectivity, that's the tough part, when people choose not to understand you, even when you make it so obvious

It’s like.. If someone’s sleeping .. You can wake them up, but if someone's pretending to be asleep, you can't wake them up

A Pragmatist : true but sometimes they are a prisoner of their prejudices and judgments or just of their insecurities…that’s what comes in the way

Wanderer : and well, the shell must break before the bird can fly

A Pragmatist : yes and u know the story of the uncle who tried 'helping' by breaking it for the bird...actually butterfly but ya same pt

Wanderer : oh yeah, I do so well, sometimes it’s just good to let things be

Let people learn their lessons.. The hard way, because that's the only way they'll grow up

To their full potential but well it hurts sometimes.. Watching them go thru the mess..

A Pragmatist : true..It’s dicey...u can’t let them kill themselves but ya u can’t live it for them either..ya..

Wanderer : and well. where do you draw the line? as to when is it appropriate to intervene

A Pragmatist : I guess that’s where our judgment comes in..of how far is too far

Wanderer : and how early is too early.. that's where the most mistakes come in

and the most regrets too..


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