Monday, August 20, 2007

Quality, Performance, Exams, Obsessions,Carelessness and Lessons

What all could one be obsessed with respect to examinations?

Someone might be obsessed with giving it their best shot, some others with outperforming others, some others with a benchmark quality of their answers and other things!

I have a funny obsession, to leave the exam hall as early as possible! It's cost me heavy in terms of scores, and made me feel stupid after coming back, thinking all through the way how much I could've improved my answers, or rechecked a thing or two. But no. I'll finish writing in a go, get up, smile victoriously at the invigilator, feel proud at my own stupidity and get out of the exam hall.

Of course, most of these are intantaneous thoughts and soon, the transition to comfortable numbness occurs, to the state of royal abandon, with my forever claimed license to Chill! Today is just another instance and the whole thing is rather fresh, so the instantaneous response.

But I think it's high time I learnt my lessons. One the one side, I claim to profess a benchmark of quality below which I don't like to let something pass, with my name and on the other hand, should I allow my carelessness to get the better of me and let something pass, even if it is not to the best of my ability.

Perpetual giving up, they say is the ultimate truth of life. The obsession with quality, goes for a toss when you have a multitude of tasks and it's a zero sum game as you have limited time. So instead of excelling in each task, you choose to optimize and get the best 'possible' combined output. But what if this satisficing behavior ends up translating into other situations as well?

Someone would say you shouldn't revisit your answers as it'll lead to more confusion and like a shopper who keeps looking even after finding something, you might end up coming back empty handed.. like a poet.. thowing away the sheet of paper you just composed on.

But well, there's something about fine tuning, refining and editing, that happens with every round of review, which I'm so fond of doing, since I love 'editing' and look at it here. Callousness gets the better of me!

The marks/results/grades are secondary.. the annoying part is I don't give things my best shot! 'my best shot' is doing what i'm capable of. And under-playing your self despite knowing your potential, for reasons of carelessness is a sad thing to do!

Some mistakes, are just worth smiling away and moving on, but with some others.. you gotta learn your lessons and hammer them hard in your head, lest they become habits and then part of your nature itself.

And well, the consolation of a goofed up strategy paper is the lesson I'm learning to shove down my own throat!


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