Saturday, June 16, 2007

Of the Head and the Heart - I

One afternoon on the Delhi airport, a rescheduled Air Sahara flight left me with a lot of time to look around and get inspired.. it’s only now that I’ve been able to put it together! A gloomy, lost face, staring into space, the guy appeared to be talking to himself, looking at time quite frequently. Not that he was in a hurry, but perhaps he was waiting for someone, perhaps resolving an inner conflict. He didn’t have luggage, was perhaps not a passenger himself. My imagination ran wild, bit of mixed experiences, tales of friends and expressions on his face, I created an echo of what was going on in his head.

‘Sometimes, when you have all that you desire, you get out of your way in order to win yourself some dozes of reality which bring you crashing back to the ground. Perhaps a version of the death instinct, which motivates you to bring pain to yourself. Life is running smooth, you’re doing fine. Neutral emotionally, no upswings, or downswings and then you choose to get into something which you’d decided not to, and well, you then curse yourself, or more like laugh at yourself for having done that.

Then you’re at a loss of words to express what you feel, you don’t know what to do. You find it difficult to pass every moment. You want to get up, get out and get going. Go away forever. But you can’t. You have a promise to keep. So you just sit there, watch time go by.

Things haven’t been the best between the two of you, but you didn’t want to leave on a negative note when she was going away for so long. So well, you probably had done exchanging pleasantries over the phone last night, wasn’t it best left there itself? Why did you agree to see her today? Why’re you here now? How many more signs do you want, haven’t you had enough of conflict between the head and the heart?’

Head: So? Happy standing around watching people going by, sharing hugs and goodbyes?

Heart: Well, I hadn’t exactly come in for this!

Head: But that’s what you seem to have gotten.

Heart: It’s ok. Half of me knew that this was coming. But well, the heart can’t really THINK too far. It only BEATS.

Head: Yeah, you actually had started believing in all those romantic fundaes about the loads of affection you have for her and why you should give it one last shot…. Those funnily romantic signals diverting your head!

Heart: Well, they didn’t exactly divert me, they just got me free from your clutches. If I go by your rules, you’ll perhaps never let me laugh, cry, sing, be merry or mourn.. you’ll not let me beat.

Head: Beat, but beat for yourself. Sing, but sing for those who want to listen to you, trust me, there are many. Laugh with those who like to laugh with you! Cry for those, who would probably offer a shoulder… see for yourself what you’ve been doing!

Heart: Well. I am not trying to give justifications or look for answers here. All I know is, my life means beating. And the day I stop beating, I stop living..

Head: So you go on blowing this trumpet of liking the roller coaster to justify every low that comes in, and to explain yourself and justify it as an enjoyable reality of life.. till when mate?

Heart: till I can still survive it! Till I find someone who would be as kind to me as I need them to be!

Head: kindness Huh!

Heart: Awe come on, life isn’t all that hopeless yet.

To be continued..


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