What do you Value?

A question of ‘what do you really value?’ could become all the more interesting a question when posed to oneself. Amidst multiple answers voiced by classmates, I was trying to converse with myself, trying to figure out what my answer really was. Normally describing myself as given to indulgences, under the garb of enjoying the one life that I have, I was looking for something that would give me lasting satisfaction and happiness. The pursuit of temptations, is nothing but a fad and with time, it would pass. What I do really value is a combination of a few things :

Everyone has the right to be happy. They could very well break out of the shackles posed by the surrounding circumstances to redeem their own lives for themselves and no one should make a value judgment about how someone chooses to live their life.

At the same time, one should be brutally honest with oneself. Sometimes it’s difficult to do that, and in those cases, one should perhaps entrust the mirror to someone else, who would show the picture as it is, without coloring with opinion and judgments. Delusions and pretense might serve for a while but deluding oneself is worthy of being called a sin, not just foolishness.

And then? I value human bonds! The way two people can connect. It doesn’t have to be romance, doesn’t have to be anything defined in the society. It’s just a strong emotion that may or may not last beyond a few moments. But in those moments, it overwhelms you. And it takes your breath away. I live for such moments!

wanderer

Going High!

There are so many lenses to view oneself through. Each seems fascinating and each throws a new light upon myself and helps me understand in a different way. It’s fun, if nothing else. Once again, each of us holds within himself a ‘Lower Self’ and a ‘Higher Self’. Don’t immediately start associating the low and high with moral/value judgments.

The lower self is more like the functional or apparent one, which, in behavior is manifested as pettiness, meanness, unwillingness to share. Small. It’s driven by a sense of deficit, and a constant need to seek more of everything.

The Higher self, is the real or intrinsic self, surplus inspired and based on inner affluence. It reflects in behavior as dignity, nobility and magnanimity.

The dominance of one of the two selves is reflected in the elegance or grace with which one handles his life. Smitten by the dynamics of the world around and overwhelmed to no end, we often confine ourselves within the ambit of the lower self, considering it to be a natural human tendency. Take a few moments to look within and something starkly different, perhaps much more beautiful will come out – the higher self. Nourish it and it would in turn nourish your body, mind and soul.

wanderer

Wise or Clever?

It’s perhaps a wise thing to do to draw a distinction between wise decisions and clever decisions.

It’s interesting to note that the simple differentiation between the two can be drawn on the simple bases of their vision, scope and impact. A clever decision is more for the moment/space(read, concerned only about you and now) and the wiser ones are to be long term and wide(everyone’s good, forever). There’s nothing right or wrong about the two decision mechanisms but one needs to think about it every time he’s taking a decision. Both of them require the application of the intellect. My guess is, given our impatient nature and the fast paced life, we commend ourselves and get too happy to take clever decisions because they’re great in pulling us out of any complicated situation and always look rather smart because of their easiness.

On the contrary, the ‘wise decision’ stands the chance of being ridiculed. One, coz it’s difficult to implement and two, it might not find favor with your immediate neighborhood and three, it might have some not too great repercussions in the immediate time and space.

wanderer

Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas

Every human is supposed to be composed of Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas.

Sattwa (christened Illumination) is composed of compassion, patience, poise, serenity, forgiveness, transparency, simplicity, purity, selflessness, humility, gratitude etc.

Rajas (Dynamism) would encompass anger, fluctuating moods, vindictiveness, arrogance, pride, vanity, greed, jealousy, envy, conceit etc.

Tamas (Intertia or darkness) is about confusion, delusion, procrastination, laziness, indolence, lethargy.

Now, I’d say if it were to be put in a linear function

Me = A(s) + B(r) + C(t)

What varies across time and space is the value of the coefficients of each of these components. ‘Me’ is a dependent variable, on the values of the s,r,t and the varying coefficients in the functions. It’s not difficult to understand the variation across people and the evolution of the same person over time. However, it is also claimed that elements of all three characteristics must be present, for a healthy living. Think you could really do without all the lethargy and procrastination? Maybe not. It might lead you into insomnia!

About the Rajas which seems to be a whole lot of supposedly negative emotions, there is a further classification – you could be the illumined dynamite (sattwa guiding rajas) or the blind rajas which would be a mad race to nowhere. Rajas, without the headlight given by sattwa, can’t look at the big picture by it’s very nature and is liable to cause damage by speed of action.

Where do I see myself? For me, perhaps the equation is rather balanced. I can’t claim to have a dominant ‘illumination’ given my lazy habits in general. And I needn’t elaborate about the attitude anyway. Moving towards idealism, I think I could do with a bit less of lethargy and the sattwa taking a slight bit more control of the dynamism to illuminate it and light the bulb of sense in my head!

wanderer

Desire..

Desire could be taken as the essence of ‘life’. A being without any desires is as good as dead. But then, in our society we have developed conventions that doesn’t quite treat desire as a positive trait. Often, it’s treated as a euphemistic equivalent of lust. I would say it is a mild form of lust indeed, but it would be unfair to associate a default negative connotation with ‘desire’. If it weren’t for desire, the world would be a different place. What world would have been there anyway, had Adam not given in to ‘desire’.

Inventions, pursuits of wealth creation, desires to make a difference- desires have been at the root of all things material. That would also make desires the root of all evil, as evil is nothing but a subset of all things. But to forego desire would make someone dead. It’s desire that breathes life into an otherwise dead body. A combination of desire with strong mental power has done wonders unexplained by common logic. The austere would perhaps emphasize the role of desire in pushing human mind to the vices. I’d say, one’s fair in pursuing his desires, but not in a blind pursuit.

Man’s slavery to desire has led to a lot of degradation in the present day society. But it’s going to be another man’s desire to make a change, or to not conform, accompanied by his will, that would again rid the world of its vices.

wanderer

Evolving...

Managing oneself in myriad situations could give him a lot of insights into his own biases, colored thought processes and prejudices. It could throw interesting light on your own evolution in terms of the different life experiences having impacted your personality. If we go by the Freudian way of thinking, there’s so much that happens in our childhood and has a strong impact in the way we come to be, as a person. To some extent, that could help us understand and explain our behavior in light of the past experiences, but sometimes it seems we’re using the past as an excuse to justify some undue liberties that we give to ourselves. The past describes an individual, but it cannot and should not be allowed to confine him. One can break away from the shackles of the past if he really desires thus.

I’m not a slave of my past.

wanderer

Balance!

Mismatches of expectations in relationships have caused a lot of grief to just about everyone. Much as you try for the highest levels of communication, gaps as big as valleys come by now and then and cause a few miserable moments. Perhaps that’s where the virtues of keeping your calm and balance become all the more important so you don’t, in a fit of rage or the heat of the moment end up saying or doing something that’s not the most pleasant and with it, ruin someone’s night and your own morning. It doesn’t feel the best to have hurt someone.

One life!

To live it to perfection and without regrets, you HAVE to achieve a lot of balance in a lot of things- most importantly personal life and professional life.

wanderer

Entrepreneurs Anyone?

We owe it to our society that we become entrepreneurs. Studying at the prestigious IIMs, we dare not, who will? Reasons for not going on the entrepreneurial journey right after college- financial security, networking, experience and exposure are nothing but hogwash, a way of deluding yourself and running away from an invisible ghost of fear. It’s just plain fear and nothing else. Phat ti hai. For the rebellious reasons and others, it becomes all the more imperative for a hot blooded 23 year old that he attempts what others say can’t be done. Might seem stupid and mindless for a start, but well who wants to live a sane life anyway. At least make sure you enjoy the journey while you’re still at it. To feel good, to have fun and to feel satisfied at the end of the day are my key criteria for choosing what I want to do.

wanderer

GASPING!

Does god exist? Is he fair? Is there proof? Myriad questions continue to puzzle anyone who doesn’t consider it blasphemous to think about these issues or pay attention to the calls of sensibility from within himself.

Generally Accepted Social Principles cause me to GASP. Our own literature has elaborately established the need for our individuality, the personal dharma and the quest of oneself. Each one is a rational being to act on his own behalf, to take his decisions based on his own judgment. And yet, ironically, the religion is one force that binds so many people together in a mob or a herd. As ironically- MBA education, that’s supposed to bring the out many colors within one self, seems to be doing the anti-prism by churning out clones and herds mad after some usual pursuits.

wanderer

One Life? mehv III

There’s a funny paradox, or so it seems between the ideas of living your ‘one life’ and the proposed austerity and detachment from the indulgences. To try and see a convergence, I’d say all those qualities spoken of, by the Geeta are actually steps that would make your ‘one life’ more meaningful and enjoyable. According to me, Geeta is misinterpreted and misused to say that ‘karma kiye jaa, fal ki iccha mat kar’. To look for consequences is not the issue, but being obsessed with the results to the extent of going up and down with it is the problem.

And then, someone would say that to begin with, have faith and give it your best, the result shall take care of itself. So is it in contradiction in the result-orientation or focus on results? I’m not sure. I would however say that in your obsession with reaching the destination, if you end up losing the pleasure of the journey, it’s nothing but a waste. Obsession with the result might again cause some myopic decisions, which you would end up regretting later, or maybe not. Perhaps you’ll just go on, achieving a milestone after another, winning a battle after another. Lets hope you don’t lose sight of the beautiful woods that you pass by while you’re counting the milestones.

wanderer

Writing Diary... mehv II

To write a diary everyday as a reflective note sounds intimidating for a start. You start writing, without a clue as to what you want to talk about. But with time, you get ideas and the thoughts run wildly far and wide for you to be able to build on them. To look inwards and understand your own value systems and ethics could be an interesting thing to do. More so, perhaps it would be useful to see my own evolution as we go along in this course on human values. To me, anything that doesn’t in present or future cause a pang of guilt or a prick in my conscience is ethical. Ethics are individual, parts of a personality, so this is a general statement that would apply to each individual that believes that way. The problem is that people often make social norms and unwritten codes of conduct and the defiance to any of these, how much ever non sensible they are, becomes a difficult step to take.

wanderer

Mangerial Effectiveness and Human Values - I

A course in ’Managerial Effectiveness and Human Values’ requires us to write a diary everyday for the next few weeks. Some sort of reflective note on what’s going through my head and how I’m perceiving the world around, with a view of human values. Yesterday was spent in writing the tale of a messy episode that might land me an F grade in my summer internship, thanks to a professor’s obstinacy. Keeping the story part out of it, human values would seem essential in a civil society. The question arises when you are dealing with uncivil people. How long can you go on being stuck to your principles and allow them to be your shortcoming in the battle field when they go all out to cause you trouble. To the extent that it doesn’t inflict damage upon you, perhaps you could let them indulge in all the foolery. But then, to defend yourself, to protect your honor, if you have to tweak a thing or two here and there, there’s no harm done, as long as the tweaking doesn’t become a part of your nature and you don’t start using it all the time.

The concepts given by Krishna or Chanakya’s philosophy of Saam, Daam, Dand and Bhed seems to have a slight clash with contemporary conventional morality. I don’t feel inclined to go the Gandhian way much, perhaps because it’s the tougher way. But then it might just be worth a shot. It would be useful to have a Gandhian Munnabhai around, who could tell what would be the Gandhian solution to the situation at any time.

wanderer

Greetings on Teachers' Day

One of the profs. from my UG times, we'd shared fondness of each other. It didnt' matter what he taught in the classroom, but there was a connect, stronger than a lot of other teachers.

He responded thus to my teachers' day greeting :

Dear Ankur

Thank you so much for remembering me on this day. A class well satisfied
after a lecture, is the best tribute you can pay to a teacher. Your class
paid that tribute many times over...

May the lord almighty bless you all. I still remember and miss yours and
your classmates smiling faces, the tea sessions, the midnight seminars
and the associated samosas... Time they say "Marches on". Those
memories to borrow  the words from a famous english poet, by the name
of William Wordsworth (as I am not so original) are

Though absent long,
These memories have not been to me,
As is a landscape to a blind man's eye:
But oft, in lonely rooms, and mid the din
Of towns and cities, I have owed to them,
In hours of weariness, sensations sweet,
Felt in the blood, and felt along the heart,
And passing even into my purer mind
With tranquil restoration:- feelings too
Of unremembered pleasure; such, perhaps,
As may have had no trivial influence
On that best portion of a good man's life;

.... the poem goes on.. I would not like to bore you as I did with my
lectures a few years back. Just keep writing, whenever you have time. Your
letters mean a lot to an old man like me. They keep me young at heart.

I hope you make yourself, your parents, your family, your teachers, your
school and your Institute and your country proud in the years to come.

raghava varma


On Wed, 5 Sep 2007, Ankur Gattani wrote:

> Dear Prof. Varma,
>
> Hope you're well.
>
> Thought of conveying my best wishes and warm regards on the occasion of
> Teachers' Day.
>
> Taking this day to thank my teachers who've taught me what I know today and
> contributed to shaping my personality the way it is today.
>
>
> Warm Regards,
>
> Ankur Gattani
> Class of 2006
> B.Tech Engg. Physics
> IIT Bombay
>
>

--
Raghava Varma
Department of Physics
Indian Institute of Technology Bombay
Powai Mumbai 400076
Mobile 09869075722
Phone 02225764548

A Momentary Lapse of Reason

A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

Games People Play!

Given my usual tendencies, this could've been a discourse on Eric Berne's theories on transactional analysis, but for a while i've decided to 'play' light.. some other games.. that are as indulging.. and a lot more fun!

Thanks to the fourth term exams and project submissions, the best indulgence one could think of at such times, beyond endless mail checks and orkut scraps.. something that can keep you engaged all the time you want..

Felt nostalgic.. back to the earlier days.. with Road Fighter and Galaxia.. a friend got me all those games - contra, mario, islander and bomberman.. and well, let me assure you, this is the current rage in the premeir b school :)

For the more intellectually inclined, Scrabulous on facebook is a fabulous thing.. i'm totally in love with it! the last game.. my first one.. i won.. and the final board looked like this...

Try it sometime.. for a couch potato like me.. if osmeone asks me the favorite game.. i'm probably gonna name some of these.. (though i'm equally pathetic at these games too)

Wanderer

Quality, Performance, Exams, Obsessions,Carelessness and Lessons

What all could one be obsessed with respect to examinations?

Someone might be obsessed with giving it their best shot, some others with outperforming others, some others with a benchmark quality of their answers and other things!

I have a funny obsession, to leave the exam hall as early as possible! It's cost me heavy in terms of scores, and made me feel stupid after coming back, thinking all through the way how much I could've improved my answers, or rechecked a thing or two. But no. I'll finish writing in a go, get up, smile victoriously at the invigilator, feel proud at my own stupidity and get out of the exam hall.

Of course, most of these are intantaneous thoughts and soon, the transition to comfortable numbness occurs, to the state of royal abandon, with my forever claimed license to Chill! Today is just another instance and the whole thing is rather fresh, so the instantaneous response.

But I think it's high time I learnt my lessons. One the one side, I claim to profess a benchmark of quality below which I don't like to let something pass, with my name and on the other hand, should I allow my carelessness to get the better of me and let something pass, even if it is not to the best of my ability.

Perpetual giving up, they say is the ultimate truth of life. The obsession with quality, goes for a toss when you have a multitude of tasks and it's a zero sum game as you have limited time. So instead of excelling in each task, you choose to optimize and get the best 'possible' combined output. But what if this satisficing behavior ends up translating into other situations as well?

Someone would say you shouldn't revisit your answers as it'll lead to more confusion and like a shopper who keeps looking even after finding something, you might end up coming back empty handed.. like a poet.. thowing away the sheet of paper you just composed on.

But well, there's something about fine tuning, refining and editing, that happens with every round of review, which I'm so fond of doing, since I love 'editing' and look at it here. Callousness gets the better of me!

The marks/results/grades are secondary.. the annoying part is I don't give things my best shot! 'my best shot' is doing what i'm capable of. And under-playing your self despite knowing your potential, for reasons of carelessness is a sad thing to do!

Some mistakes, are just worth smiling away and moving on, but with some others.. you gotta learn your lessons and hammer them hard in your head, lest they become habits and then part of your nature itself.

And well, the consolation of a goofed up strategy paper is the lesson I'm learning to shove down my own throat!


wanderer

Lessons from the Mahabharat I

Humility of a Lion doesn't mean he would consider grass for food..

Shairana Mizaz..

Pagalon ki mehfil mein aaj apna bhi shumar ho gaya,
kadradan to kab se the, apni hi shayri se deedar ho gaya

Bas ek khayaal-e-dil jo umangon ki saugaat le aata tha
meri pal bhar ki muskan ko rokne waala pehredar ho gaya..

Urdu Shairis- My newfound obsession. Somehow, the language is so beautiful, it just weaves itself together in your head. Of course, I'm only an amateur and no claims about how good or bad my work is. Most people, are appreciative, but that seems to be stemming more from anything in Urdu looking good, than the composition or the meaning.

Was just writing something somewhere, in a weird state of mind, 'Feels weird to know that I don't know what I'm feeling'. Liked the line a bit and well, put it on my status message. And well, thus was born a new era of shairi!

The first step, Rohan sends me an urdu version of the same thought :

ajab ehsaas hai is begaane haal ka

ki koi hume bataein yeh illat-e-qalb ki aarzoo kya hai

Ah well, doesn't immediately become completely understood, but looks nice, and the Urdu is perfectly beautiful!

Apni izzat rakhne ke liye, I looked up the urdu dictionary on the web to find out the precise meanings of the words.. and the only complicated word here is :

Illat : fault/defect/bad habit/illness/pretext/basis

Qalb :heart/mind/soul/intellect/marrow/pith

That one landing on the urdu dictionary, and the pages are still open in front of me. And here goes a khanabadosh ilhabadi!

qisse lakh kah le ham aazaad panchhi ki udaaan ke,
qabzah to aaj bhi dil pe us qaatil ka hi hai!

For the uninitiated - A thousand claims I might make of the flight of the free bird, the heart remains caged with the adversary..

Haatim-e-mohabbat to ham bhi bane firte the,
jab talak ek haadse ne zindadili ko dafn kar diya

Being a generous lover, I'd throw my heard around till an accident buried that lightheartedness.

And well, thanks to this flow of thoughts, a friend responded, with inspiration :

ye chala zor kambakhat ishq ka ki aashiq ko shayar bana diya!

aur phir shuru hua hai ek silsila,

rohan's next status,

ke saare jahan mein razm ho rahi hai,
daawedar tazposhi ke kiska wahm-e-waali hai

razm - battle/war
wahm-e-waalee - the ruler of one's fantasies

- The world is fighting a battle of superiorities of fantasies... I don't know.. the translation into english ruins it...

Aaj is account ka original naam saamne aaya hai,

Khanabadosh

Of Public Moralities

Thinking of moral police, the first sight coming to mind would probably that be of some bhagwa clad hooligans blackening the faces of young couples on the marine lines or perhaps breaking the glass panes of gift shops on a valentine's day.

Immediate impulsive response from any modernized Gen Y youth would be sheer revulsion. We instantly revoke our fundamental right to freedom of expression, to do and behave as we please. We remind that we are mature adults and we know what's good and what's bad for us. And the self appointed burghers of social morality have no business telling us what to do and what not to do in our public and private life. Ours is a generation that was born free, having internalized our rights to freedom of all possible kinds and there’s no chance we would accept any attempts at curbing these rights.

Much of the blame for having brought the bad name and a rather negative connotation to moral influencing - to the extent of calling it a disciplinarian act of moral policing- lies with the fanatic defenders of the social morals who do not think twice before transcending all limits of decency in their own ways of protesting. Given that they have the right to freedom of expression too, they are very well allowed to voice their concerns with whatever they call as indecent. But well, let have them do it within the ambit of law and social courtesy. Becoming violent in their protests, they only display their own helplessness in saving a virtuous culture and their desperation to gain control with a whip on a free generation. They leave us with no option but to dismiss them as power mongers who’re just seeking a way to establish their identity.

Moral policing of public behavior or commercialization of feelings is not so much about the offended sensibilities than it is about some other kind of grievance at the heart of the moral cops. They can’t stand the overwhelming and allegedly negative influence of the western lifestyle and culture on our youth. This would include the MTV and Coca Cola culture and at a more general level, the consumerism and hedonism that are becoming ingrained in our traditionally austere and satvik culture. However, they forget to draw the distinction between the evolution of a fast moving society and blind copying of western life. As the global media converges, and the access to information from cultures and lifestyles across the world spreads, we have to be open to cross cultural influence that would flow both ways.

There’ll be people in America practicing Yoga and there’ll be people in India kissing on the streets. This is a cultural amalgamation process which is a natural component to the evolution of the human civilization itself. To try and put artificial barriers in this process of evolution is nothing but a folly. Another aspect of it is also the convergence of the world as a marketplace. If Archies wants to sell Valentines’ day greetings in India, and people want to buy it, what’s the problem? Indians have traditionally not objectified feelings and emotions with material gifts but if it makes someone feel good, there's no reason why someone should object. Or are they finding it difficult to digest that a foreign company is making money out of selling emotions to us? Why don’t these cops try and popularize Karwa Chouth in America. I’m sure it would sell.

A culture has its inherent strengths which sustain it in course of evolution. It’s the voice of the masses, which has consciously or unconsciously transferred it generation by generation and there is no need to be so insecure about Indian culture and tradition suffering a blow due to the juggernauts of western imperial culture. If the culture can’t stand it’s ground in its own right, it will become extinct anyway and it doesn’t need to be protected. The roots of our culture are sufficiently strong for it to take care of itself.

Another recent dimension to moral policing came about with the havoc wreck by the moral cops at an art exhibition, where a student artist, in his own dreamy eyed works had in some ways transcended limits of decency. Now obviously, going all over to destroy the place and manhandle the artist is no way of registering a protest. However, careful handling of such situations would need judgment on the part of neutral parties as to what is reasonable and what’s not. Going too far with the right to freedom of expression, might actually end up offending even some neutral sensibilities and invite trouble. A nude depiction of Bharat Mata, which by all social mores is a motherhood figure is something that ruffled more feathers than just the moral brigade.

As a civil society, we do allow our parents to guide their children when they see us going wrong somewhere and that’s the role these sainiks seem to be usurping. And well, despite the claims about being adults and knowing what's good for oneself, it's only us who have indulged in drug addiction, drunken driving, promiscuous lives that have left behind hurts and emotional baggage. On a broader level, a moralizing influence of culture could've been a welcome one, but the independence freaks that we are, any impositions and restrictions on what we want to do, is not going to be taken lightly.

It does remain to note however, that it is for us, the young people to decide whether we apply our sensibility while adopting certain western ways of dressing, behavior, music and other things. We are to be responsible for our own behavior so we don’t give a chance to the moral brigades to raise fingers at us, accusing us of irresponsible actions.

So while I would not paint nudes of Indian Godesses, be intentionally blasphemous and disrespect the sentiments of the public, If I have to give someone a rose on valentines’ day, if I have to kiss someone good night when dropping home, I will fight tooth and nail for my right to freedom.

wanderer

Proactivity and Pragmatism...

My status : 'Feels weird to know that you don't know what you're feeling'

Wanderer : happy friendship day!

A Pragmatist : hey thanks! Same to u! Nice status

Wanderer : :)

Was writing my diary wrote this line instinctively and then looked back and saw it's actually nice :)

A Pragmatist : :) this sounds more like u!

Wanderer : :P totally me, unadulterated

A Pragmatist : yup grt! its kind of related to what I was thinking...in the sense...b4 I used to think I can easily predict how I would behave or react in a situation, lately I realize I don’t really know myself that well...n I have been waiting for reactions u know when something happens or whatever only to realize I don’t really react the way it is stereotyped, or even expected

Wanderer : :) I don't know... never gone by stereotypes

A Pragmatist : n I don’t really have a prob with that only exploring this dimension

Wanderer : m too much of an independence freak that way

A Pragmatist : :) great. I’m kind of the conformist but I don’t know.. its fine sticking to rules when they make sense, when its nonsense then its another thing, when the person who made them also has no clue its even worse, u get the diff? It’s not pointless only from your point of view nobody understands anything, so no point sticking to their stupidity u can as well rely on yours

Wanderer : ok, that was a tangent but yeah, I agree it's like the person who actually thought up this rule was as rational and sensible as I am right now so well. I can make a choice whether or not to follow this rule. I mean.. If it doesn’t make sense to me, I’m free to live by my own rules !

A Pragmatist : exactly that’s case 1 but what happens is bcoz of the way things r changing the person who is supposed to make the rules is also not sure what is 'right' or best if u prefer, so his/her decision is based on as much limited info as mine

Wanderer : so well, let me die of my own decisions, than someone else's. It's like.. My obsession of not sitting behind someone on a bike- if I am to die I’ll die with my own mistake

:P

A Pragmatist : :) I would have used a diff example but BINGO. Its more like the only reason I would live by someone else's rules or whatever is if it guarantees me the destination I wanna go to, if not, I can as well live it the way I think best and hope to have as good or bad a chance of reaching where I want to

Wanderer : yeps

So well. The destiny is ultimately in your own hands and the lie... is indeed the worlds' biggest lie!

:)

A Pragmatist : :) well the comfort of being able to blame someone else for all that goes wrong in your life is not worth screwing it all up taking some responsibility goes a long way, make your decisions, make your mistakes, face the music, live your life, don’t live life proxy!

Wanderer : but then.. We’re too happy to play 'if it weren't for you'

In so many of our life's situations

Sometimes blaming parents, sometimes other people around us, sometimes the boy/girl friend

A Pragmatist : exactly

Wanderer : just refusing to take control as if you’re just helpless- guided by an external controlling force.. Pinch yourself, wake up and smell the coffee or perhaps the roses

A Pragmatist : yup! whatever.. just feels alive

Wanderer : and in control

I wonder.. If the so called control freaks actually mean this kinda control...

A Pragmatist : ya I know what u mean..We all have a responsibility to our bit, and it does make a diff

Wanderer : so what do we do with people, who constantly say that they don't know what's going on and they can't help it?

A Pragmatist : hmm friendly advice is one thing otherwise this works best with altering our behavior action as well as reaction

Wanderer : ?

What if advice doesn't work? They listen but eventually come back to the same drama

A Pragmatist : u know the more consciously u live your life n make your choices, the greater responsibility u take for them and have the guts to face the consequences

Wanderer : or perhaps you go on living in denial, refusing to live any moment completely

You end up doing things half heartedly, you behave in ways you can't explain

A Pragmatist : I guess we all go through phases, and some take more time. After all our lives do follow different trajectories rite, n then again ppl r plain different

Wanderer : what if you see me messing up my life, just because I’m being indecisive and refusing to take control and then complaining about things not going right..

A Pragmatist : I would try to show u the root cause of the problem, if u r already aware of it and yet unable to rectify it, I’ll give u time but will also tell u to realize it is all in your hands...n would like to check if there is something u r unable to express which I may help u sort out

But u know there are levels to all relationships and there is only so far u can go

Wanderer : you've tried all you can but I still go back to ground zero when would you give up?

A Pragmatist : exasperating much as I would wish to shake u up and knock some sense into u, i'll refrain from doing so because we all have to arrive at our answers on our own, we can’t be forced to arrive at them. I would also hope to god by the time u reach there on your own it is not too late

Wanderer : time's slipping by and I might be drowning deeper into issues reacting in the moment and perhaps opening further cans of worms

A Pragmatist : yup that’s the biggest issue 'waqt ki qaid mein zindagi hai' those who learn to swim with it succeed those who don’t I don’t know in addition to everything have a lot of regrets

Wanderer : what's wrong with learning your lessons the hard way?

A Pragmatist : nothing as long as there is more to the lessons than advice for the next generation if u know what I mean thru my own experience I realize how crucial time and timing are in life, zindagi ke safar mein guzar jate hain jo makam voh phir nahi aate

Wanderer : Life’s chapters can't be erased, much as you like- you can't turn back time

A Pragmatist : exactly, it’s like your CAT paper in four hrs anyone can solve it, what matters is finishing it in 2

A Pragmatist : that’s the next step but life mein at 30 u may know exactly what u shud have done at 25 but what's the point?

Wanderer : :)

Interesting, so what do you do when you realize at 25.5 what you should've done at 25 and well.. What if you never realize..

A Pragmatist : u c if what u think u shud have done u know if on that line u can alter something now...if not write it down in the advice column :) but not many listen to advice

Wanderer : coz you go on wallowing in self pity

A Pragmatist : n what wud have been rite for u may not b for the next person that last bit is most depressing coz u waste away more of your life than was wasted by your original mistake or say whatever was the coz of self pity

Wanderer : what if you the choose to exile yourself

A Pragmatist : self pity is the biggest mistake and leads to the gravest crime self torture and a wasted life

Wanderer : but how do you get out of it, when your perception only reinforces your beliefs

A Pragmatist : SNAP OUT OF IT, when u know your perception reinforces your beliefs think positive be positive and act positive

Wanderer : you think that's easy?

A Pragmatist : who said life was easy, but u go down one road u'll reach only where it takes u n the road of self pity taketh one not to success or fulfillment

Wanderer : so how do you change the road?

A Pragmatist : consciously, choose where u want to go first then take the road that takes u there..Can be thru process of elimination or direct choice

Wanderer : too objective, for someone to follow when they're not in the best state of mind

A Pragmatist : see theory needs to be applied subjectively by each of us but the principle doesn’t change. This is the core of it much as one may find it difficult

Wanderer : so assertiveness is the key.. Ok so in your last whim of assertiveness you started on a route but you realized half way through that you can't do this; then what?

A Pragmatist : see if u realize half way thru that u r wrong then u need to have the humility to make amends if u know u r rite but the road is very difficult then u hold on and ask for the strength to go on, u find it if u want it bad enough

Wanderer : you talk like motivation gurus, it’s easier said than done, you can't just suddenly step back form your life and redo the jigsaw. There are ties that would need to be broken, there are knots that would need to be untied and well.. There are broken ties which you can not join again

A Pragmatist : see..There are some things that can’t be undone..n some places there is no going back then u only try to save what u can of what remains...u cant erase what happened n rewrite it

Wanderer : happens, and well it all started with a confused status message

A Pragmatist : lol but at our age we r allowed to b confused even expected to b so

Wanderer : and well, you’re being quite a pragmatist, and well nothing wrong with being one

A Pragmatist : takes guts sometimes coz ppl accuse u of being heartless sometimes, which is far from the case

Wanderer : well, the fact that you bother about what ppl label is testimony to the presence of the heart

A Pragmatist : :) see the thing is not what everyone thinks matters but when ppl u love or think u know and know u say something it hurts esp. when u r vulnerable n doing ur best to not let that cloud u

Wanderer : whatever happened to the objectivity, that's the tough part, when people choose not to understand you, even when you make it so obvious

It’s like.. If someone’s sleeping .. You can wake them up, but if someone's pretending to be asleep, you can't wake them up

A Pragmatist : true but sometimes they are a prisoner of their prejudices and judgments or just of their insecurities…that’s what comes in the way

Wanderer : and well, the shell must break before the bird can fly

A Pragmatist : yes and u know the story of the uncle who tried 'helping' by breaking it for the bird...actually butterfly but ya same pt

Wanderer : oh yeah, I do so well, sometimes it’s just good to let things be

Let people learn their lessons.. The hard way, because that's the only way they'll grow up

To their full potential but well it hurts sometimes.. Watching them go thru the mess..

A Pragmatist : true..It’s dicey...u can’t let them kill themselves but ya u can’t live it for them either..ya..

Wanderer : and well. where do you draw the line? as to when is it appropriate to intervene

A Pragmatist : I guess that’s where our judgment comes in..of how far is too far

Wanderer : and how early is too early.. that's where the most mistakes come in

and the most regrets too..

wanderer